How Not To Do Customer Service

We all know bad customer service when we see it.
We are all angered, disgusted and disappointed by bad customer service. I call bad customer service "Modern Service" but it could as well be called New York Service, Chicago Service or French Service.

To prevent bad customer service, institutions take various measures that almost always fail.

Customer Surveys:
Random call back customer surveys do not work like you think they do.
Customer surveys count the complaints customers have against your policies and procedures as well as surly customer service representatives. Staff members, who followed your instructions precisely, are counted as  rude if they do not grant the customer personal exemptions from your polices

Call for service yourself using a regular, if fictitious but well crafted "customer's" account information.  It may be a revelation to you. Try to act the part, do not use insider terms.

Scripts:
Companies "fix" bad customer service by instituting approved scripts for their customer service people. These are prepackaged answers to all complaints....like bed bug letters or requests for help with product problems. The cadence of the service reps speech makes these obvious. The script ensures you get a minimum level of service or 'hand-holding' but it also prevents creative thought or problem solving by the rep/ The reps must use the script and not go beyond it.

This call may be recorded...

The purpose is 3 fold. 1) Scare the rep into realizing that if they are too rude, arrogant or hang-up on the caller they may get busted. 2) Records you, the customer,  being abusive or attempting fraud against the firm, and 3) Provides new raw material for the development of new scripts for new complaints.
In reality, the recording are limited to use #2 based on complaints by the customer service rep.

Customer Service Managers:
Customer service level is contagious. One bad, apathetic, entitled manager and the entire enterprises' customer service devolves.

Customer Service Reps are instructed to never pass the callers complaint to their supervisor. Even electronic customer service messages do this. If the human rep does so, they will hear from their boss later and not in a good way. This is why electronic customer services exist and why you are made to wait because the supervisor is "very busy" or you may hear your rep call out to their peers: "Who wants to be boss today?" You will be told that action will be taken and given a few standard bromides...sounds like "Go away little boy, you bother me!"


Bad customer service comes from entitled, disgruntled, abused or lazy staff. They think:

• You can wait until I deign to notice you. 
• I have the right to finish my personal business before I help anybody.
• You are a distraction and a problem.
• The last 10 people I "served" were idiots, therefore you are an idiot.
• I don't want to be here, doing this...for you. 
• You cannot do anything about my lack of courtesy, my incompetence, apathy or the chip on my shoulder or my disdainful demeaning tone of voice. I can therefore talk to you any way I like, can ignore you, lie to you, treat you poorly. If you complain to my boss you will get our boilerplate "bed-bug letter" and besides my boss hates you too.
• I know what you want before you ask; oh, I guessed wrong?, I'll guess again, oh, I guessed wrong again?...then what the hell do you want? Why are you disrespecting me? You think you are better than me? Don't you?  Well f-you!
• I don't feel like serving you. Do you know how badly I'm paid? Well do ya, punk?
• I can lie to you because you are too stupid to know. If not stupid, which is improbable, you are certainly not smarter than me and besides you can't do anything about it anyway, so f-off.
• I enjoy making you squirm...you must have me serve you any way I choose. HAHAHA.

There are books going into this phenomena in detail.

Most guards deliver bad customer service in the same way. They get NO customer service training or scripts. The difference for guards is complaints are more often fatal to our career: except in Law Enforcement Lite (LEL) environments. Like real policed departments, there the complaints are ignored unless physical violence is involved. LEL has an "us vs. them" mindset and citizens are the enemy.

GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE starts with civility for the individual customer and patiently clarifying the problem, no matter how dumb that customer may be. This is what you get paid for! Earn your money. Man up!