Lobby Thoughts #20 (and some ranting)

Guards make sure that when you arrive at work in the morning; there is still a building standing and all your equipment, cash and documents are still here.

If there are few and only minor incidents at a site, the guard force may be reduced to save money because "Well, nothing happens here, therefore we don't need security guards."
Is it possible that nothing happens here because there are security guards?....well, you'll know after they are gone. Security is a job where if done well and correctly, one can "work oneself out of a job."

Employees, clients, your supervisors and fellow guards will report your most minor policy violations and any "private" comments you might make for a moments perceived advantage. Be careful! They do this because they either don't know better, are afraid you will outshine them, are incapable of thinking of anyone but themselves, have a plan to make you less credible in someone's eyes, for their self-aggrandizement, or  because they cannot see how what they say could be misinterpreted. See the Marcus Aurelius quote above.

I had a guard partner meet with the client and tell him that I was speaking ill of him...on my 1st day on the job!. What did I say? I asked my partner "What sort of things angers or has angered the client about us?" This was repeated to the client as "The new guard thinks you get angry all the time." Well he was certainly angry with me from then on! My relationship with that client was ruined on day 1. Note that he did not ask me directly why I might think he was angry all the time. Management does no investigations worthy of the name.
[It is critical you remember that we often work with minor league Machiavellian idiots; sneaky and/or  incapable of any thought of consequences.Is there anything more dangerous to you keeping your job besides your real performance? These guards often get themselves fired just as easily]  
The police often say "people talk themselves into jail." STFU!

A gay guard on one site was fired because the guards there felt that a gay man could not back them up in an emergency. [In real emergencies, these guards were nowhere to be found] This guy was a good security guard.  He just mentioned that he went to the Gay Pride parade. STFU,
Sure, you have rights...but the morons have the numbers.

I saw the same thing happen to a gay woman at a different site, she used to joke that if a male guard was  unhappy with hs girlfriend/wife, she would be happy to take them. STFU!
In both cases above, the other guards made reports and comments to management that these guards were sleeping on duty, hit on them, under the influence of drugs, etc. Management did no investigations...just removed the guard or fired them.


In similar fashion a white guard was "set up" by his fellow black guards, at another site in the same city a black guard by Asian and Hispanic guards. It never ends. It is so depressing. They say America is the country where one can go from adolescence to senility without ever passing through adulthood.

Now, if you are thinking that its not fair or legal ...remember that they were reassigned or fired based on "performance", not sexual orientation or skin color.

HR is incompetent at most guard companies. Their job is ONLY to protect the company not you and so willingly join into such conspiracies against disfavored guards...after all there are plenty of suckers potential employees walking through the doors.

Never forget; The world is NOT fair and your "rights" are yours at the convenience of others. STFU.
There is no one here but us human beings! Get over yourselves--your "group" is not special.

Vectors R US

Public lobbies are very effective locales for the transmission of disease.

The germ theory of disease transmission is no longer a theory.

Observed on a daily basis:

Sneeze into hand, immediately place hand on door exit bar and leave building. Watch child put hand on exact same location within 10 seconds and then wipe their eyes/mouth. Successful transmission!

Sneeze onto public computer key board and Versa Teller (ATM/CashPoint) machine. Next customer is waiting on line to contaminate themselves.

Sneeze and cough into tissue, leave tissue at counter where next customer must move it to speak with clerk.

Sneeze and cough into face of clerk, guard, fellow customers.

Sneez into right hand and then shake hands with a sales representative.

Sneeze into hand and use "customer's pen". Used by 20 people per hour.

Sneezing over the coffee and water dispensers, cups, sugar and creamer packets.

Human are amazingly resilient critters as not all these vectors are guaranteed to get the next person sick.

As a lobby guard, I am surprised I do not get sick more often. I do use waterless hand sanitizer a few times a day...if I remember ...or if I see Typhoid Mary or Patient Zero in action.

Lobby Thoughts #19

I tried a little experiment at the lobby today. I asked a number of folks to tell me what they thought of the old Groucho Marx quip:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.

9 of the 10 didn't get it. (I asked only folks for whom english is their primary language.)

I got some great replies: 2 folks said" HaHa, the dog ate the book!
One stated that it showed that trying to figure out what a dog was thinking was a waste of time.
The rest but one looked at me quizzically and said they didn't get it...They asked me to repeat it slowly and they still didn't get it. I explained it and they said, OH, I get it now. 3 still didn't get the meaning.
One laughed and said it requires a knowledge of  nuance.

Did I mention how bored one can get standing in a lobby all day?

If you really can't determine if the customer is male or female, don't worry, a simple "Hello" is sufficient , as is "Have a good day" upon departure.

I keep special look out for serious threats; Al-Qaeda or the Regional VP coming for a site inspection.

Some guards are they way they are simply because they are exhausted and depressed. They get no appreciation or respect. The can't afford any amenities in their life, so feel like indentured servants.
If you can still smile at the customers and staff and be nice, you have something approaching character.

Never forget: The customers pay your salary!

Never ascribe to conspiracy what can be explained by careless or stupidity. For they rule the world!

Liability Avoidance 101:
If someone asks for an ambulance, just call one, Do IT Now, dial 911. The cost is on them not you nor usually on your firm.

Slip and Fall Hazards: if there is a spill (water or coffee usually), report it to your bosses IMMEDIATELY. let them figure how to clean it up...if there is a Wet Floor sign, place it on the spill so folks are warned.

If you see anything that might cause accidental injury, take action! We are supposed to be about safety too not just crime prevention and emergency response!

Useful Reporting: what is the difference between reporting "I found the door open" vs. "The door was propped open with a trash can", vs "the door was closed but unlocked", vs. "the door was closed but there was tape over the latch (or strike plate)", vs. "the door was open because the latch does not align correctly with the strike plate (so the latch would not go into the strike plate).  That allowed the door to appear locked but anyone could pull it open" vs. "The deadbolt was found in the extended position and used to prop open the door" . The difference is between crime (maybe a crime in progress, now), a maintenance ticket or a pattern of carelessness. The difference is competence. Just reporting "I found the door open" is not enough, it should be more specific! It is important to the security of the firm and the employees.

Sally gets a restraining order against Bob, her ex-boyfriend. She doesn't tell us about it until after Bob is in her office screaming at her.

Tower of Babel

One need not be a pedantic linguist or S.I. Hayakawa to be profoundly mystified as to how humans can interact so peacefully when they can't understand each other.

A classic middle management joke, said from manager to subordinate:
"Damn it! You did exactly what I asked!"

Ensure you understand what your boss wants as the outcome. In their wisdom they will tell you how to do something, or what to do, as managers are paid to do, but without thinking the situation through. Remember this when you give instructions! Be careful, just clarify "Sure thing Boss!, just so I understand, you want me to... so we can..." Be careful, if you "manage up", let them be sure it was their idea on how accomplish their objective.



Security radio use has it pitfalls. The most common problem with guard use is to treat a radio like a telephone. No need to be all 10 codes anymore either. Just think before you key the mic and make your message short and to the point. Include your call sign, who you are calling, your location and the situation. Key the mic for 1-2 seconds before you begin to talk so the beginning of the message is not lost. Remember that what  you say can be picked up by scanners, so no confidential information, please.


Learn to write incident reports that will withstand the test of time. If someone who doesn't know you, the company, the site or the incident reads your report in 5 years will they understand all the particulars? Do not wait for ALL the information you need until you submit the report, that can takes hours or days. It should be completed by the end of your shift. If you have to wait for further information, then submit an addendum when you get the missing information. In many cases a call to your supervisor, verbally summarizing the report is appropriate too.



Security guards are routinely hired without the ability to speak English sufficiently to do their job.

When hiring contract guards, where the contract insisted they be able to speak and write English, I had to institute a test for all guards being considered for our site. I would always get a nod and smile to anything I said to them. This I found out meant that they were nice people, want/intended to do a good job for us and get paid so they can support their family, most admirable!

 I asked them to tell me what they would do if approached by an employee or customer, while on patrol and this person said: "Oh my God, someone broke my car window in the parking lot and stole my stereo, all my CDs and my gym bag"

What I got sometimes was a silent nod and smile, or "I call supervisor" or "What is stereo?" As our firm was not prepared to teach ESL, I did not hire these guards.

 Note: For the "I call supervisor" answer I asked then what actions they would take until the supervisor arrived (like take a report, get the name of the victim, get the vehicle description, call the cops, see if any cameras in the area could have picked up the perpetrator,...anything!)  I got instead, with a big smile, again, "I call supervisor". I did not hire these guards...but your company did.
Insufficient English, despite the contract requirements......and further, did they do the required background investigation on this guard?

Pick wisely...your company depends on these people to look after things when employees are home in bed and when a critical emergency occurs.

Confidentiality

In the course of our work we come across amazing personal, private and corporate information. If this information is released it may lead to embarrassment or market share loss for our employers.
[This is also sometimes refered to as POPI: Protection Of Proprietary Information.]

Trash//Dumpster Diving: confidential information in the trash. I have taken the time to check the dumpster and found sheafs of documents on the firms new products as well as their special pricing schedules. When reported it was quickly covered up and the employee(s) responsible were "counseled". See also Metnick's books, among others, on Social Engineering.

Shredding: I have suggested and implemented shredding programs at a few firms. special locking bins where the paper 'checks in but doesn't check out' until a bonded shredding firm comes by to pick them up for destruction. However, I have found companies or departments with confidential shred baskets exactly the same as and next to the recycling baskets but with the word "Confidential" written in Magic Marker on the side...the janitors each night simply either included it in the regular trash or in the recycled trash...never understood or cared that they were to place that material in the special lockable bin at the loading dock. 
[We once found top secret documents blowing down the street, 4 block from our site. Seems a homeless man picked up a trash bag and it broke open on his shopping cart...opps, janitors were throwing TS docs into regular trash. Exciting times.]

Whiteboards: I have found amazingly detailed confidential sales, product development, roll out and scale up strategies and plans left on whiteboards in most firms I've worked. Many are visible through the ground floor windows: visible to any passerby. In other areas they are also visible to visitors, contractors and employees from other firms and in-house employees without a 'need to know.' At one firm we had a 'Technology Summit' where all our competitors were invited and such plans were clearly left visible to all, as the visitors went to the rest room or to the balcony to smoke--until I erased them (surreptitiously mind you, MYOB, "just a guard")

Wireless Presentation equipment and scanners: I am as you may have noticed, a weird guard. I have walked the campus of firms with a radio scanner and once found what I thought was a listening device transmitting a confidential meeting discussion in real time! I located the talk and found that the executive was using a wireless presentation cordless mic to do the presentation. I picked it up over 200 yds away. [Now, I know you understand that this means anyone, sitting in a car, down the street can listen in too...competitive intelligence (CI) anyone?]
I had forgotten STFU/MYOB for a moment (and was soooo impressed with myself) that during the talk's break time I approached the speaker, quietly and mentioned what I had discovered. She, a VP, became livid (really nice shade of red) "How dare you listen into our talk! I'll have your job!" (Please take it!) "Ma'am, I'm in Security, we do this sometimes to ensure there are no listening bugs in the meeting rooms. Sorry if I disturbed your meeting." This was immediately reported to my boss--who had some appreciation of what I was doing...I was told to cease doing it anymore.[ BTW, wireless presentations; audio and slides both can be gleaned from the ether via most of todays notebooks.]

WiFi Networks: I have also walked the campuses with one of those cheap wi-fi detector units. I have found and reported to IT the existence and location of unauthorized and unencrypted wi-fi networks set up by employees (not even WPA or a MAC address list!). ..including one in the IT department set up by the Assistant Director for his team. I mean really? Dude?!

Tempest: It is NOT up to us to deal with this level of threat. STFU/MYOB, weird after hour contractors in the area should always be ID'd. Careful, way #326 to lose your job. [Beside there are cooler newer techs for listening to keyboard stokes emissions, etc.]

Bulletin Boards: (cork ones, not BBS's, although that is possible too.)  Great source of personal and company confidential information, if one can read between the lines.

Company Website: Often give away lots of useful CI information, ex: names of company execs that can be cross referenced with various search engines.

Set up a "Google Alert" for the company's name to your email. I have found confidential info posted by disgruntled employees...who were still working for that company, although not for long.

Facebook: OMG, spill all the personal beans on all your fellow employees, with pictures of you, them and your company restricted areas and its indexed by Google and Facebook both!

Fax machines/Photocopiers: Often seriously confidential and/or compromising docs and faxes are left on the machines all day and night....until thrown away or recycled...or picked up by accident by another employee and shared with their friends...and the shop steward. Interesting times! :)

Computer terminals Opps, employee forgot to log off. Opps, password is on a post it note. Opps, your porn surfing visible to folks passing in the hallway.

Notebooks/Laptops/Netbooks/Blackberries/Iphones: Opps forgot it in the taxi or airport, no full disk encryption, oh well, the thieves will probably just reformat the disk and sell it...no worries, mate! "Now, how do I get a replacement at company expense?"


Gossip: " I probably shouldn't say this, but you won't tell a soul, will you?" Did you know Marsha in Accounting is sleeping with John the VP of  Marketing? Bob is gay? Billy is wasted on weed every day? The company just developed a cure for malaria? We are all going to be laid off? ETC, ETC

Lunch room discussions of confidential information in hearing of visitors, contractors and subordinates...and guards

Insecure Janitorial Cleaning Techniques:

• Leaving ALL the offices on the floor unlocked and open while they make a circuit, doing 1st trash, then vacuuming, then dusting, then dinner and breaks before relocking again at 1am. Well, that's what we have guards for! Right, 3 guards for 12 buildings, they will be sure to prevent anyone from gaining access to your office on the 10th floor at 8:20 PM. Especially when the janitors bring their kids and friends to work and employees bring their buddy while they catch up after hours.
• Janitors often leave perimeter doors wide open while they empty the trash.
• Janitors will open any office or restricted area to which they have a key for anybody who seems to belong in the building. They too are afraid of angering the wrong person and losing their job!
• They leave their master keys in their work smock in the unlocked janitorial closet until they come back on duty.

Guard company information: Your contract guard company's business is not to be shared with clients. For example: you make $11.00 an hour; the client is charged $23.00/hr. Secret guard company information right there. Check your "Security Officer Handbook"...you did read it didn't you?


Your Daily Activity and Incident Reports: Store these in a locked area. The report on finding cocaine in the lunch room or that Alice was fired for threats should not end up as rants on Craigslist.
Your patrol times and routes, becoming public knowledge endangers you and the client.
[Those 2 readers of this blog may remember that I was once written up for not having a clean desk...(however he meant housekeeping not security concerns.) Note that the security office was not on the master key, was on a key restricted to security managers, was not visible from outside the building, and the janitors cleaned the office only during the day when security management was present and confidential information was covered up. (Excuses, excuses, sorry Master Chief)]

Your personal information: You being into shooting guns at the range will seriously scare some employees. [Sure tough guy, you got the right, but they can make your life difficult at work...STFU.]
Do you want folks to know where you live, if you might have to arrest them or their friend? I had my car keyed by an employee fired for embezzlement when I was a very minor part of the investigation. Management said to me "too bad, so sad, you car is not covered by our insurance."
Your use of the company computer can be tracked back to you. Careful if and where you surf the net. I busted a few folks for porn with the simplest forensics. I didn't need Encase.
Turn off the general GPS on your cell phone. (E911 GPS should be on.) Don't want folks tracking you on patrol to evade, avoid or attack you on site.
No job related tweets or blogs, huh! :)

Access control: One main  idea justifying guards is that because not all confidential information can be locked up at all times, except perhaps in Langley, you must prevent unauthorized folks from being able to get into the buildings or special areas to browse, use their cell phone cameras, flash drives or the company fax machines and photocopiers to steal confidential and private data. You keep strangers out of your home don't you?


Counter Intelligence: The other CI:

• Be alert to cars parked on your streets after hours with an occupant or empty. Note plates in your notebook. They can be picking up transmitted information from your facility via audio or digital bursts. cool spy stuff...if your facility warrants it. If it makes copy machines, I wouldn't sweat it.
• If employees tell you of a great interview they had for a new job...know what a false flag recruitment is.
• Watch for photographers in the neighborhood. That red winged hawk might not be what they are really photographing.
• Sally in the mail room is driving a new Jag? Might be she has another source of income...like selling your company secrets.
• You have a chance here to let your paranoia really go with this stuff and get fired in a quick and spectacular manner with a reputation as a psycho security freak. STFU/MYOB or ...work for the government.

COOL! I can make some money! Well probably not. 1). they will not pay you, just take it and/or tell you to take a hike and/or threaten to hurt you and your family. 2) They will call your company and tell on you--very common and  lastly 3) They will  now own you for the rest of your life or until you make a better sacrificial pawn than a 'secret agent'. Much less glamorous than in the movies. Don't forget the 10-20 years in prison! Having fun yet? Read a John le Carré novel instead

STFU (Shut the F*@k Up!): You must never share the information you discover with friends or family or other guards. [You can be personally sued, fired, arrested and jailed.]
They can't keep it secret...they will not even remember you asked them to keep it confidential. The psychological pressure of "secrets" is enormous and people must release it to reduce that pressure or to seem important.
Employees who work with confidential information daily take it for granted, they do not really see the need for secrecy.Loose lips sink ships!

Remember reporting your findings to management is both necessary and potentially dangerous to your career...some folks will think you are the threat because they do not believe in CI. Check six!
"Gee wiz boss, shud dat info be left out in the open?" The boss handles it and is the hero. You keep your job. This is part of  "managing up."

Lobby Thoughts #18

You understand the world and your place in it. God is personally looking out for you? Cool, I'm still working on it.

Management ignoring security is so common place as to be a cliché. 

See what happened to the CIA in the past 30 years.


Imagine your wife, daughter, Mom or husband worked here. wouldn't you like security to be effective at protecting them?

More prosaic:

Ma'am: Don't move! There is a creature on your head that I suspect is eating your brain! Opps, just your wig. Sorry, my bad.

Ma'am, yelling across 40 yds of lobby to  speak to your friend is entertaining but perhaps you can call your friend on your cell phone? or, god forbid, walk over there!

Car alarms: in the past year I have heard about 20 car alarms per day in our lot. NOT ONE of which was a break-in. 99.99% are your failure to operate a simple electronic alarm with a remote. Fascinating.



Our lobby has a public coffee station:
50 people will get coffee with no muss/no fuss. Then one person leaves a mess that looks like 50 people had been there.

Each day, someone, standing next to the coffee station, will walk across the lobby and ask me "Any coffee left?" I put my hands to my heads like the Amazing Kreskin and say "I am feeling the presence of coffee. Try it out."

Got tea?, Hot chocolate? Decaf?, French roast? Donuts?, cookies?  Well why not?, XYZ store has them! You better talk to your boss! I'll take my business elsewhere!  "Yes, Ma'am!, please do"

 Digging through the cabinet where the coffee supplies are stored...filling your purse with sugar and creamer...priceless! "Ma'am please put that stuff back". "But its free isn't it?"
Ah, not any more, Ma'am! that will be $300.00 if you want to keep it.

We've got a bug! I watched one guy put 12 sugars in one 8 oz. cup of coffee and drink it down quickly.

Parents!

My kids and family uber alles! The rest of the world simply has to deal! Right?

Please keep an eye on your kids. I have rescued children on 3 occasions, after they ran into the driveway almost getting hit by cars. One woman yelled at me: "Stay away from my kid!" Sure Ma'am, its just that calling the ambulance, morgue and then writing the report is too much work for the guard. Besides, I hate the screaming afterward too.

Remember if you discipline your kids they might become good citizens, but don't constrain their natural animalistic freedom!

I especially like cleaning up when your hellions grab all the advertizing brochures and throw them in the air. At which point you smile at them, so cute, glare at me!

When your kids give you a nice gift but you know they have no money, no job and no good friends and they tell you they bought it or found it...remember that they in fact stole it.

Leaving your kids in front of the store, asking them to be quiet and behave...is simply not going to work. Does it work at home?

The guard is NOT your baby sitter! or your boogeyman with which to scare your kids.

Leaving your stroller in the main entrance might upset the cart.

Telling your kids to "go play in the store" is not good parenting, it is just laziness.

Security Officers and Fire Prevention/Fire Watch

One of the most important duties of security guards is fire prevention. This unsung service has saved many lives but is invisible to those outside the security and safety departments. Here are some ways officers can contribute. (The NFPA has guidance. See Life Safety 101)

The first day on a new guard assignment,

• I locate and inspect the fire extinguishers to learn if they appear in good shape, ready for use. I routinely find they are missing or haven't been inspected for years and they are empty or damaged beyond useability. I report such to management and document it. This reduces the contract guard company liability and lets client management take action...if they are so inclined.
• I locate the first aid kits and note if they are maintained...rarely.
• I learn where flammable materials are stored.
• I learn about fire and alarm incidents in the past few years at the site.
• I check the exit paths
• I check the OS&Y/PIVs. See below. 
• I learn how much time it takes for the fire department to arrive. 

Note: One manager/boss said after 2 years on that site: "I hate to see you go. I'll always remember that the first day on the job you checked the first aid kits and fire extinguishers."

Keeping fire exit paths clear. [Trash , boxes and other items stored at the exit doors, bikes, carts and material overflow in exiting corridors, stairwells and exits...as well as outside the exits.]
The easiest way to figure if the exit path is sufficiently clear is to allow 3 ft. width of unrestricted exiting pathway from any hallway to the open exterior with no narrowing. This can be difficult to enforce because of our general powerlessness. Management, janitorial, materials management and others simply do not believe a fire will happen or have unrealistic views of human actions in panic situation. "Oh, get real, guard person, people will move those boxes or walk around that bike as they exit. The Shirtwaist Plant fire?, the Cocoanut Grove? fires,never heard of them!" The Safety Department, if any, can help in these cases.

Simply envision the panicked rush to the exits, the bike or boxes tripping one person after another and the resulting cascading pile of dead bodies.

Inspect fire extinguishers: learn how to do it.
Fire Extinguishers are for different types of fires. 
How to use an extinguisher and "PASS."

Keep fire extinguishers and their cabinets clear. No piling of stuff that blocks access.

Many people think fire extinguishers can be used like aerosol home products...like hair spray or room deodorizer. They can't imagine picking the extinguisher up and finding it doesn't work and the terror they will then feel.
If the extinguisher is ever used, for even one blast, it must be refilled and inspected, by a licensed fire extinguisher expert...its your life and the life of that cutey on the 4th floor...not to mention the company's building.

Watch for carelessness. I have found 55 gallon drums of flammable liquids of all types as well as those with low flashpoints stored next to boilers and furnaces! I have found smoldering rags in buckets.

Fire Sprinkler heads must be unobstructed. I have seen warehouse and store rooms where the materials are stored touching the sprinkler head. There is no fire protection in such cases! (18" clearance is the law.) Fire sprinklers, BTW, do not all go off at once. Each triggers separately due to heat (135-175 deg. or via rapid rise in temperature. Only on TV do they all go off at once. Exception: Explosives and flammable liquid manufacturing plants.

Smoke detectors, alarm strobe lights/sounders and sprinkler heads MUST NEVER be painted. They will no longer function correctly. This happens quite often. Check them.

Chaining exit doors shut is a routine but idiotic "security" move by guards and administrators. Find another solution! Doors can be electronically or magnetically locked and be automatically unlocked when the fire alarm system activates. Delayed panic exit bars can be installed that open, after 15-30 seconds of an alarm sounding. [When the exit door is pushed, the delay countdown starts and a siren sounds locally...the reason for the delay is to prevent the door being used for improper purposes (theft, drugs, etc.) but still open for fire alarms.]

Outside the building are the water valves for the sprinkler system (PIV and/or OS&Y):  These are sometimes left in the off position through carelessness. These being off means no water will actually flow through the sprinkler heads! Learn how to make sure they are left in the ON position and are locked per law.

New fire alarms are supposed to loud and painful...they want everyone out of the building ASAP! [During sweeps I carried a set of ear plugs.]

If you run out of a burning building ENSURE you both Pull the fire alarm pull station and CALL the fire department when you get out.

If your job requires you "sweep" the building when an alarm sounds, then do so quickly and efficiently.Go with a partner or stay in radio contact with the dispatcher with a status report every 5 minutes. Check the fire annunciation and alarm control panel first to determine the location of the problem...unless you smell smoke or feel heat from a fire. Do not assume it is just another false alarm.

You may find folks who refuse to evacuate the building...you can not force them to leave, but if you find an actual fire, let them know. Report folks refusing to leave to dispatch, get their names if possible.

Prevent false alarms! Smoke detectors in the "kitchen" or break room, where popcorn is cooked, is a #1 cause of false alarms. Ensure the facilities and maintenance departments instruct ALL contractors to never cut the red wires without contacting them and security.



On routine patrols, close upper floor windows. This is not to prevent ninjas from entering, it is to reduce air flow. If there is a fire during the night, its spread speed will be greatly reduced if it has less air.

Fire drills are mandated each year. Take them seriously and report any evacuees' complaints (like "I couldn't hear the evacuation alarm in the 7th floor restrooms, Sally had to tell me.") to the appropriate in-house crews.

Remember in a real emergency you do what you practiced.

Remember that all these duties may be seen as "making trouble" for site management. Be informative but not demanding that management take action on Life Safety issues. Someone else will take the credit for your observations, its to be expected...that 'don't mean nothing' so long as the issues are eventually addressed.

Broken Windows

A security guard is in a unique position to validate the "theory" of James Q. Wilson's Broken Windows.  Broken Windows postulates that by reducing litter, graffiti and enforcing quality of life crimes (ie: minor crimes like panhandling and loitering) one can reduce the local crime rate. Now only an idiot would suggest that it will impact murder, rape, auto theft and human trafficking rates. However it can reduce minor crimes most guards are retained to address. It can affect our job retention as it may be seen as a "value added" service. My experience shows that Broken windows works for much minor crime ans things that in gestalt "scare" the employees and customers.

This means reporting graffiti and "tags", picking up larger pieces of litter, pushing for repair of broken doors, windows, holes in the fence, removal of abandoned vehicles, bent parking signs...anything that makes the place seemed uncared for.

Criminals prefer areas that appear that no one cares what happens.

You can make the facility look like someone does care, is watching and WILL report even minor crimes to the police. This displaces crime. Petty criminals will go elsewhere. This is OK for our firm, not a solution for society, but we have a limited scope of power and responsibility.Notifying via fax or email, other businesses' security efforts in your area of such petty crimes in a formal or informal Crime Watch program is worth exploring.

Taking on the protection of public or private sites other than our own can lead to serious liability to our firm and clients. Do not assume such responsibility. If you see a crime outside your perimeter, call the cops.
[Note: If your patrons routinely walk through or park in an adjacent off site area you may be responsible for securing that area too. See Security Liability Case Law.)]

I'll address CPTED in a  later post

Lobby Thoughts #17

WARNING! This blog is not for the humor impaired. One mustn't take one's self too seriously. (Humor?: YMMV)

Nice old woman says to me today:" You are always so nice, mild and always smiling. I didn't think you would do anything if there was a problem. But I was there the other day when you handled that crazy man and I saw differently."
"Why thank you ma'am. I do have it in me. I just do not feel it necessary to try to intimidate the innocent."

Guy exiting says: "Is this what you do all day? Say hello and goodbye to the customers?" I say: "Yes, it is, but I suppose I could stand around and look tough!" He laughed.

Hey is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Well, Ms. West, I am happy to see you. and yes, its a Ruger LCP. It is small but I do know how to use it. [Sorry, couldn't resist.]

I scare folks regularly, albeit unintentionally. They think I am an advertising life size cardboard cutout figure, until I move a bit. (Yep, the eyes follow you like it was alive!) I am tempted to experiment. Perhaps I can make such a cutout, attach a spring-loaded arm that waves and an old froggie motion detection activated tape that says "Have a Beautiful Day!"

Sir/ Ma'am: I know you can handle yourself and don't need me to protect you. But I am actually here to protect your Mom, daughter or Significant Other when you are not here and they are. Further, I might be able to assist you, two being better than one. That might be occasionally useful, eh what?

Clients want guards with the skills of James Bond, Lara Croft or Jason Bourne for $11.00/hr. They get so disappointed when they get just people.

In the lobby you are in the spotlight at all times. The smallest motion or action seems to be of great interest to the customers. They watch carefully...the guard just reached into her pocket!!!! What is she doing!???! Oh, its a piece of candy. Look the guard is writing something down!!! Is it about me??? Does he know about that joint I smoked in 1996???? Maybe they finally found me!!!
Nope, just writing down my grocery shopping list, sorry. No drama here.

When actively losing my mind from boredom, I used to bark or growl...in what I thought was a subvocal range. (The sounds summarized my thoughts about a particular customer, in shorthand) I stopped after a customer asked me if I had just growled at him. (Opps!--Of course not, Sir! I was clearing my throat.)

Heh! I never said I was a poster child for Mental Health. Just adapting and overcoming, Master Chief!

Aren't you Bored?

Funny you should ask! Why, yes, I am. Being a lobby guard matches my interpretation of Purgatory...waiting to see God... it feels like Waiting for Godot...today I think the whole point of Purgatory is self training--developing control of one's mind and emotions. I have a ways to go.

The Muzak is an 8 hour loop of R&B, the same loop each day for the past year. Hmmmm, its Aretha "Respect", must be 2:17pm

The employees, like morays, dart out to try to make sales to each customer...their fangs glistening, Sometimes 4 sales reps ask the same customer within 1 minute of entry.
"Hello! Can  I help you?"

Guard can't read, listen to music, use a computer or sit down. [ed. you could be in Afghanistan] (Don't temp me, pay is much better.) Pauvre de moi!  :)

Lobby: 40 paces by 40 paces

Percentage of customers with bluetooth in left ear vs. right ear: 15%
Customers per day: approximately 200-400
Count ceiling tiles? Not yet...

I got it!
I'll write a blog at home about my thoughts on security, guarding, customer service, without really caring if anyone reads it

If you are reading this, you have my deepest sympathy, both of you.

Lobby Thoughts #16

We know how stupid the average person is. Remember that 50% of people are more stupid than that. -by unknown

No, I'm not admiring your or your partner's butt. I am checking your belt line and pockets to see if there is indication of a concealed firearm. Not that I have a problem with that, I just want to know who in the building is armed.

I was called Barney Fife by a customer who I had to escort from the building for his inability to control his anger and frustration. I was tempted to say: "Perhaps, but I have more than one bullet."

Free Food at Work: I have caught guards (and janitors and temps and your fellow employees) stealing your lunches from the company refrigerator. I have fired a guard for walking into a reception, cutting into line at the buffet, filling a plate with food and walking out. when asked, she said she was hungry and had forgotten her lunch. The company's food is not for guards unless you are specifically told it is ok. Sad thing to get fired for...especially when if you wait, the left overs could feed a small town.

Some are too stupid to recognize developmentally disabled people or too mean to leave them alone and so hassle them for entertainment, sadism or because of fear. Disgusting behavior by so called professionals who believe themselves to be 'good people.'

Visiting corporate HQ executive arrives to much fanfare. Inspects the premises and smiles at everyone. As he leaves I notice he left his glasses on a desk in the corner. As he passes my post, I say, "Excuse me Sir. you left your..." He glares at me and keeps walking. [I surmise his mother was scared by a security guard while he was in the womb]
I say "Sir, your..." He says "Look I gotta go." I smile and nod. He returns 15 minutes later and wanders around the building with this entourage in tow. I mention to one of them that he left his glasses on the desk over there. I am scolded...Why didn't you say something We have been looking for them for 15 minutes! "Sorry Sir,  Have a nice day!" 

I "endeavor to persevere." from the film The Outlaw Jose Wales

"Hell is other people" Sartre (No Exit).  No, hell (and heaven) is our minds. We are not our thoughts, bodies  or our mind. We are much bigger....if we can remember. [Remember that hologramatic far edge of the expanding universe where in "we" are datamatrixes; points and waves both? No?, me either!]

"Did I fall asleep?" "Yes, for a little while."  from TV show Dollhouse.

See also Doris Lessing, The Four Gated City.

This is such a beautiful planet. Sometimes I enjoy just watching the shadows moving from West to East in this lobby.

Macho Customers

We are just working a guard job. You, the employees and public are our customers. Most of us are nice if you go about your business without gratuitous abuse of the guard staff or the business. We however sometimes run into regular citizens with macho ego problems. As I have mentioned in past entries to this blog, we don't care, just move along and have a nice day.

Some have such fragile macho egos that they feel they must prove they are not afraid of you. This is apparently how they deal with uniforms. A guard looks like an easy target; poor, stupid and impotent.  But are they? Albeit rarely, thank goodness, these types, men and women both, get in my face for unintentionally scaring them by being too big or looking too serious [the smiling guard sometimes forgets to smile.] They do not know.  This poor soul punches or tries to punch me. The attacker usually has no idea what happened, but somehow they ended up on the floor. Some are slow in their "combat perception", they must get off the floor 2-3 times before they realize that they have a problem, especially if it appears the guard has not raised a sweat or their voice, did not really hit them, is not angry and is looking calmly at them, saying...please don't do that again... did you slip?...are you alright? They then attack another way. They complain to the bosses that they were attacked without reason by the psycho guard and demand they get fired. Some bosses do then fire the guard, because it is easier and all guards are fungible, aren't they? Remember the rules: the guard is always wrong and a liar.

I'm Looking for a Better Job

If reading this blog hasn't put you off too much, (either of you), I am looking for better security employment. I can be reached at  thesmilingguard  at   gmail. com. I have all necessary California permits except CCW. I have a valid  passport, experience in almost all security milieu, know which fork to use, am house broken (no drugs, alcohol or record), had my rabies shots, and not too old, yet. I don't want a date, to have your babies, to kill your ex, be your personal servant or stand in a lobby all day.  Stories from your site will be couched in unidentifiable context

Like the story about the little bird who fell from its nest, was pooped on by a cow and cried out, I'm in no hurry to jump from frying pan to fire; a better salary is de rigueur.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the one job requirement that many guards fail. It requires a delicate balance in application and control of witness' perceptions. We have discussed being too assertive. (See Tough Guards post). Being too assertive is what citizens expect and has tarnished the guard/security officer reputation throughout the world and history. Lets try to get it right.

One reason some guards cannot be assertive is they have been told their idea of appropriate enforcement is wrong...again and again...they then simply stand in a corner or walk their beat looking at the ground and praying for a LOTTO winning ticket... or Armageddon. 

Assertive is not aggressive. There is an occasional place for aggression in arrests, protecting your principal(s) or employees and self defence. Assertiveness is different.

As our employers and clients cannot be counted on to 'back us up', as we are assumed to be stupid, wrong and incompetent, being assertive can be a no win situation. We must be very judicious and careful when we decide to act assertively. "Pick your battles." Most times it is better to simply ignore minor infractions; "bad attitudes", "creative parking", someone smoking dope in the parking lot, disorderly kids, someone 'flipping us the bird', etc.

We are "agents" (see Law of Agency and must be mindful of the concept of  "Respondeat Superior" for the property owner, principal(s) and our firm(s). We derive what little power we have from these. We have no more power to arrest than any citizen. We have responsibilities to our employer and client, far beyond the average citizen.

Assertiveness requires a firm, calm tone of voice, an upright and strong appearing stance and demeanor without drama, a refusal to be distracted, confidence in our "rightness" in this situation. We verbally repeat the action we insist the other person(s) take. We keep repeating it. Refusal to cooperate requires calling the cops or management. Do not lay hands on someone unless to save you, them or someone else's life, to prevent immediately imminent serious bodily harm or imminent destruct of valuable company property. Do not curse or use demeaning terms. Be professional.

Careful: this is where you will get fired if you mishandle it. If you don't handle it, you can get fired too.

Panic

Panic is something that security officers encounter many times in their career. When people are looking to "someone in authority" that someone is you in the first minutes of the emergency. The situation is all yours for the first few minutes until someone arrives.(boss, police, fire or that guy who runs the sales department)You will be confronted by panicked people. You must keep your cool.

What to do? Follow your training and make the protection of life your first and most important priority. But use your brain. Pause for a second or minute to figure the best actions for the most people endangered. Sometimes it is better to address the problem. Sometimes it is better to address the people. Sometimes the people are the problem. Be flexible, adapt.

People need to know what you are doing. A quick 5-10 word summary is all that is required to give them a grasp of what you intend.. If you are leaving their sight they will be fearful they are being abandoned. Assure them. 1) you are leaving to handle the problem or get nearby help, 2) will be back for them or 3) tell them a safe place to go--make sure it is safe. (ex: bomb threats, they must be 300 yds away, etc.) 

Panicked people oft times make bad decisions. The TV show "The Unit" Episode entitled "Hill 60"  dramatically shows many of the varied reactions of panicked people. Worth watching. What follows is gleaned from that show and elsewhere.

People will Need to know what is happening; before anyone could know. They are scared! They want to know NOW, they are scared!:will everything be OK? Where are their loved ones located and how they are doing, who you are, what is your training, why should they trust you, suggest you are the cause of the emergency, try to run away and escape the problem, "charge off in all directions", it is so unfair!, deny it is serious, postulate paranoid conspiracies, the world has turned upside down-we can't trust anything!, fatalistic: no one can do anything!, its so unfair!, it is a personal attack against me!, paralysis by analysis, blame you for not doing enough, blame you for not preventing the emergency, curse, call everyone impolite names, they must be rescued before anyone else, they insist they have rights, the "center cannot hold", become meek/subservient, suggest you need to have a discussion and democratic vote, cry, pass out, get angry, will not/can not shut up, whine/complain, convinced Armageddon has arrived, pray, bargain (promise to do good or stop doing bad), pee their pants, insist on following SOP (Isandlwana per film: Zulu Dawn), blame their favorite religious, ethnic or racial groups, rely on the government to help (ie: wait forever), apathy, refuse reasonable directions, feel totally helpless, refuse to act, demanding of everyone, explain how they are special and someone special will come to their rescue, commit suicide, steal or hoard emergency supplies, hurt others in the belief they either caused the problem or that by hurting or killing them the problem will be reduced...or for revenge, state their opinion as fact, they will assume the worst, they will rush into the emergency instead of away, "tombstone courage", they will be sure they will die or be injured, that they will be fine and its much ado about nothing. They may say that the attackers are justified, misunderstood or that we deserve it. That they are so superior to you that they know the right answer even if they have no experience or training in this (or any) emergency situation, they will experience a mental lock-up and freeze, they will go to sleep, threaten you, attack you, scream, cry, try to cope: using their personal stress adaptive behavior (sex, drugs, tin foil hat, etc.), and come up with really stupid ideas. All these things are natural panic reactions, few, if any, help one survive.

Remember try to do no harm, don't make it worse. ACT, don't just stand there!...stay frosty. Accept reasonable suggestions. It is not about you, it is about solving the situation as well as possible. Remember you will be held legally accountable after it is all over and judged by 20/20 hindsight. This is also the way of the world. Be reasonable. Lastly, when the primary authority arrives, brief them and then get the hell out of the way and see how you can support the primary effort.

Equipment

Carry a notepad and pen.

Carry cell phone with charged battery. Know local police and/fire department numbers (not just 911).

Carry a pocket knife. (as tool not weapon; Swiss Army Knife or Leatherman Tool.) One you can take out in public without scaring the folks. Remember they are afraid of everything...they do not carry pocket knives. [I had a woman call us to arrest the mail room clerk because he opened a package with a Swiss Army knife! We explained that up until last year all men carries pocket knives and they are still legal.]

Carry a clean handkerchief (or bandana in a neutral color)

If carrying handcuffs, carry 2 keys in separate locations such as personal key ring and loose in pocket or in wallet.

On grave shift, I used to carry small spool of common black thread to create tell-tales at fence holes etc. in 'no traffic' areas to let me know during my rounds if someone had passed. I liked to so entertain myself before motion detection CCTV made it superfluous.

Carry a small flashlight; the newer LED ones are great, like those by Fenix. Carry this even in day light. Carry extra batteries in your locker, car or bag.

If you carry a gun, ensure it is clean, loaded per policy, that you have extra ammo in magazine(s) or speedloaders. Change out the ammo for new each 6 months-1 year.
Ensure you can in fact draw it smoothly. Check all this before each shift, in private. Don't touch your gun while on duty except in a real emergency. Touching your gun scares the innocent and can get you fired and maybe arrested for Assault.

Same principles apply to baton, pepper spray, folding fighting knife, etc. Don't scare folks just to look macho...you will look like an immature idiot.

In your car or locker, keep extra shoelaces, depending on post-binoculars or pocket scope/monocular, a warm jacket, sweater, gloves and hat that will go appropriately with your uniform, some "Cup of Noodles" or canned beef stew, etc., a rain coat, extra ammo..Extra uniform, socks, underwear....you get the idea. [Perhaps a towel? See Hitchhikers' Guide to the Universe.]

It is your actions, demeanor and appearance that garners respect, not just having weapons. (Although sometimes the weapon is the thing.)

Your mind is your best weapon. Try to act smarter than you look.

Distractions

Guards can be easily distracted from their job, unfortunately. Beautiful people, well meaning people, relatively minor incidents masking more serious ones, intentional and situational distractions are to be expected by good security personnel. One must keep the job's priorities in mind.  I call it "area awareness". Just paying attention to the entire environment while handling each encounter or incident. This leads some folks to believe I am not paying 100% attention to them. They are right, my speaking to them about their new car or new baby is not my job. Being aware is my job and I'm on duty, Sorry. I try to be subtle about it.

I ran scenario training for guard staff; I found that the dispatcher had a tendency to dispatch all guards to every seemingly serious incident, unnecessarily.  [Serious?: Is anyone dead?, about to die?, lose mission critical information or material?, wreck the environment?]

A traffic accident requires, in most cases, 1-2 guards...not all 10 on duty. In my training scenarios 3 "serious" incidents occur within 3-10 minutes. This required the dispatcher or shift supervisor to prioritize response, assign people appropriately to handle each situation...and think about a reserve force and not taking guards from mission critical protective duties. A fire alarm, a heart attack, a rabid dog, a car fire, a naked woman in the apartment window across the street, a traffic accident, a trespasser, a screaming customer. This proved amazingly difficult for the staff and management to comprehend. "You can't comprehend that which you can't imagine". Imagine being distracted.

Management sometimes see the guards "standing around" and feel they must do something productive. [The guard standing there is doing something for the benefit of your firm!]  Like the lobby guard in the film "3 Days of the Condor", one can be assigned or take on voluntarily such duties as making coffee, signing for packages on the loading dock and a host of other non-security jobs. These are major distractions.

Lobby Thoughts #15

I try to 'forgive' folks who do stupid things, when I have in fact done the same things. Pretty condescending huh?

Banish anger

"Mongo just pawn of life" Blazing Saddles

That some folks are petrified of guards is sad. It is like being afraid of the little vampire, The Count, in Sesame Street, I think "Blah, Blah", the trademark of the little fella. How can you be afraid of a 6" puppet?
 However in some other countries, guards routinely beat the stuffing out of anyone who looks at them for more than 5 seconds, so be understanding of immigrants.

Your Schadenfreude is unbecoming my dear.

Feel free to "shoot the sheriff", I'm just the deputy, Mr. Marley.

Adventures in Customer Service

Look people in the eyes when you smile and greet or say G'd Day!. It is respectful, shows you are really paying attention. some will think it a challenge, so limit it to 2 seconds, some will think you are hitting on them, again only 2 seconds. You are sure to get termed if you sleep with folks at your job site. It very rarely works out well.

Don't look at the ground when speaking to people or while on patrol. It is the most common way I see guards behaving and it communicates lack of attention, apathy, lack of focus and incompetence. Are you looking for spare change on the ground?

Stand up straight. If citizens think you are ex-military that is a good thing. If you slouch with hands in pockets it makes you look like an ex-con, not reassuring to the customer.

OK, you are treated badly by many....it is no reason to not do a good job and be the best security officer you can be. Have some self respect man!

What is different in this picture?

Use of the phrase "What is different in this picture?" greatly improves our security service delivery. Because we walk the same property day in and day out it is easy to no longer SEE the area. It all becomes terminally, boringly the same, quickly. Like the cartoon drawings in the newspapers where two apparently identical drawings in fact have subtle differences. This is analogous to the security officer's patrol. As we enter each area, we look for what is different from the last time we passed and judge its security implications, if any. It could be people, cars, litter, fences and gates or doors. Few things would require action, but we get paid to observe and observation may save our lives.

Lobby Thoughts #14

Oh, you rude visitor! "I fart in your general direction" and
I'm just a "harmless little bunny" and
What am I doing boss? "Why, I'm pining for the fjords". all from Monty Python

Sir. I'm just the guard here. The important people are in the offices down this corridor. To whom should I announce you?

When in doubt, nod respectfully.


One is not entitled to meaningful work.

As a guard, you can never make demands, except of criminals in the act or upon arrest. Never of your bosses.

Do not mention any personal medical facts ie: have a bad back, a tooth ache or liver cancer, this will be heard by your clients and bosses as "He is too sick to do the job. Replace him, ASAP." You'll get no real sympathy. STFU

If you do something beyond the scope of your employment, be careful who you tell. It may anger union people, the client or your bosses...it is after all, beyond your scope. I fix things all the time, I never let folks know. Rarely, if the fix be noticed it will be thought of as an anomaly but a good anomaly. STFU

Do not expect the clients to value customer service (despite boilerplate lip service and rah rah team meetings). They value themselves and their convenience first. If you bring a waiting customer to their attention while they are doing personal business, you will be resented....they will help customers when they are good and ready. MYOB

Sir, my skills are not from video games, movies or novels.


RHIP: Rank has its privileges. Do not expect bosses to be fair, humanistic or anything other than full of their self interest. You are held to your 30 minute lunch. Your bosses may take 3 hours, if they like. You may not use the internet, they spend 2 hours in World of Warcraft. Way of the world dude.

Aren't you totally demoralized yet? Well we have to try to harder.

You must drink our Kool-Aid.

Tough Guards Psychology

[Note: Bodyguard work is not security guard work. Bodyguards are expected to be serious, tough and silent. No smiling! Bodyguards do not carry luggage...they guard the principal...only. Acting like a bodyguard when you are a security guard is misunderstanding two different security jobs and clients]

I love the "I'm a tough guy/gal" security guards. They are tend to be insecure and scared but unable to accept that part of themselves. [Of course most professions seem to attract oxymoronic employees; physician, heal thyself, etc.]

Some are arrogant because they used to be cops, brown belts, bouncers or Taco Bell managers and so are better than you. Few have really seen the elephant, if they had, I believe they might chill out. As a friend of mine once said: "Yeah you can complain..., but, are they shooting at you?"

Tough guards can be recognized at rest because they are surly, sullen and enjoy harassing people who they do not approve of...ie: most folks.

I remember going though an airport years ago where as I entered the boarding corridor, I was confronted by a guard in the classic TV Gunsmoke gun fighter position, hand hovering above his revolver, "death stare" and hunched shoulders. I started laughing. He didn't like that. I thought: "Dude, "I'm not afraid to die, its just the mangling I wish to avoid."" [Arsenic and Old Lace, IIRC]

Tough Guards are the one who seem to be ready to kick the butt of skateboarders, harmless 5150s,  homeless people, big guys, tweaking meth freaks, other ethnic groups, and others who are no threat to them. They alienate the public and make the job of regular smiling guards more difficult. Mr./Ms. Tough Guard, the threat to you and your post will mostly NOT be immediately apparent. "Everything you know is wrong!" [Fire Sign Theater]

Some bosses like Tough Guards. They feel more secure that they have a thug who will protect them.
If you bosses want to do it right see: http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
See also: Road House (1989) with Patrick Swayze.
and finally 2 more: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BodyguardBabes and http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheGuardsMustBeCrazy

I have trained with Tough Guards, they are the ones who barely qualify with their duty gun, (Watch out you innocent bystanders!) However, one brand of Tough Guards are (relatively, not IPSC or IDPA level) accurate shots...and they are just itching to show that on the job!  "Make my day!, are you feeling lucky? well are you, punk?" Dirty Harry

Of course, some Tough Guards are psychopathic sadists.[ex: http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/serial-killer-of-sleepy-security-guards-nabbed/2007/11/11/1194724815885.html] [also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Hughes_%28serial_killer%29]

Me? I'm only a tough guy when that is the best way to defuse an invitation to a fight by some psycho or tweaker or to convince a psycho that I no longer wish to speak with them. "Go Away, I don't get paid enough to fight you for entertainment." But I'm a polite tough guy-- for there are Always witnesses who must be perception managed  and I don't want to lose my job just to feel macho :)
Are you tougher than me? Why, yes you are!, move along please...

"Guards Can't do Anything!"

"Guards can't do anything, you are a waste of time and money, just standing around doing nothing. God, I hate you guys"  Said by a client's employee.

Well you are right in some respects. We can't give you happiness or a raise. We can't end crime in our time, we can't prevent the theft of your lunch from the company refrigerator or find you a boyfriend.

One said "Ha, what will you do if 10 guys run in here firing automatic weapons? Huh? Ha!" (Well friend I will die stoically, valiantly or screaming in pain but I expect to die,)  What I did say was "I will run , across the parking lot, screaming like a little girl!"

"You aren't a cop!" Well yeah, I know that: each time I meet my boss, see my paycheck, speak to a cop, speak to my co-workers, speak to any child or look forward to retirement. (Opps, no retirement; just going to die in the lobby of a heart attack at 76 years old. Which will be treated as a major inconvenience to the staff and management.) On the bright side, I can't arrest you for DWI after your 4 Margarita lunch or for your "Conspicuous Stupidity in a Public Place." I can kick the 5150 dude out of the building when he exercises his problems and I might just prevent some miscreant from acting out here and I'll grab a fire extinguisher when you set your trash basket on fire, rather than screaming and staring as the fire spreads.

What we do is deter some bad guys, but to a greater extent we make visitors and other staff members feel that management cares about them and that they can count on someone to do something! Some guards can do more than you might think. Much more, some guards will take a bullet for you in trying to protect you. It is not personal however, it is just our job.


Guards often detect and deter bad guys at the perimeter; in incidents that you, as an average employee, never hear about.

'Courage is moving into danger when you have the means to escape.' Jonas Blane The Unit: Season 1 , Episode 5.

An employee came up to me on her last day on the job and said, "I will remember you as the one who always ran into the building when we were all running out." This too is what guards do.

I regularly observe the lack of tactical and situational awareness routinely manifested by employees, customers and clients. I have watch these folks walk to their car for instance and be oblivious to the "menacing guy" watching them walk alone through the parking lot....until said guy notices the guard watching him, at which point the potential menacer finds a different direction to amble. The entire vignette unnoticed by the employee who thinks guards can't do anything.

Alternate Blog Names

This blog might be better called:
The Disgruntled Guard, The Thinking Guard, The Whining Guard, The Cynical Guard, The Arrogant Guard, The Invisible Guard, The Insouciant Guard, The Self Indulgent Guard, The Judgemental Guard, The Compassionate Guard, The Unflappable Guard, The Bon Mot Guard, The Sensitive Guard, The Snarky Guard, The Pleasant Guard, The Condescending Guard, The Good Guard, The Sentimental Guard, The Dumb Guard, The Bon Homie Guard, The Bon Homey Guard.

Guard Fiction: Film and Literature

"Always smile when you enter a room dear, it relaxes others..." Anne Bancroft to Bridget Fonda in Point of No Return 1993 (remake of La Femme Nikita)

In Telefon (1977, Charles Bronson) there is a short scene where a sleeper agent attempts to fly explosives into the Naval Communications Station in Florida. As the helicopter approaches we see a man sitting alone in a bunker reading a book. He is alerted to the helicopter entering their restricted air space. He puts his helmet on, glances out his hatch, sees the helicopter, picks up a simple controller. A press of one button elevates anti-aircraft missiles from a hidden silo. He presses the second button and one missile fires, destroying the helicopter. I often think that being a guard is similar.We await until alerted (by ourselves, others or alarms) and then respond with "judical guidance".

In every film depiction of Egyptian, Roman or Medieval times, we are there in the background, standing near the door or on a wall, holding a spear.

A Few Good Men: (1992). "...they stand upon a wall and say, "Nothing's going to hurt you tonight, not on my watch.""

The Matrix (1999): That was us in the lobby with Neo and Trinity. For a little while, anyway.

Catcher in the Rye
“I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff—I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all.”

In an often anthologized  military science fiction short story, sorry, I can't remember the author or title, there are guard personalities stored in a computer. When the perimeter of the mysterious, protected grounds are penetrated, the guard or guards are quickened into bodies and they respond to the threat. As the centuries pass, they find the newest weapons in their guard room (and find they already know all about using them). They meanwhile think they just sit and play poker for a few hours or days (actually hundreds of years) between attempted entries.

What kind of civilian jobs do former shooters, operators or agents obtain? As exemplified at the end of the film Jarhead (2005), they get all kinds of jobs and their co-workers usually never have a clue as to their past experiences or capabilities. A low profile life is recommended, otherwise, most "regular folks" would jail or kill them in perceived but mistaken preemptive self defence. This is the common problem of civilian rulers at the end of any war.
"Have a nice day, Ma'am! Thanks for coming in! You all come back soon now!"

In the TV show Burn Notice: there is a short vignette where the hero, Michael Weston, is being offered a chance to work for a 'mysterious organization' and where if he refuses they will give him a job as a night watchman-guard and after a few years he might make supervisor. He declines. This short scene communicates the hopelessness of the guard profession.


Of course most folks think of us in terms of the movies Armed and Dangerous, Paul Blart-Mall Cop and National Security. We make great butts of jokes and as cannon fodder.

True Responses

Quit your belly aching. Everyone goes through this frustrating stuff.

Man, you really gotta get another job!

Dude, you think too much! [Well yeah thats my Indian name.]

Its like rush hour traffic dude, you just plod along, occasionally witnessing gross stupidity, break downs, accidents, criminality and bad decisions. Are you going to sit in your car and complain, scream or what? Just drive, man!

Be real man, You know kids are starving somewhere, your problems are minor. Lots of people don't even have a job! Things could always be worse. [Thanks, I have never heard that before.]

Everyone is perfect as they are, have you forgotten that? Again? Wake up!

Guards Appearance

The physical appearance of Security Officers moulds public perceptions. You are a Rent-A-Diplomat. The sloppily dressed guard sends a clear message: "I am incompetent!" The sharply dressed guard, uniform clean, pressed and fitted sends the professional message you need to succeed. Pant hem lengths are crucial. The hip-hop "pants on the ground" style shows you are unprofessional and a fool (IMHO), not a rebel. Shined shoes/boots are critical. A recent haircut helps. Knicknacks and pins attached to your uniform may show you are light hearted, approachable or of an "alternative lifestyle" when off duty. They do not say to the public "I am competent and you can trust me to act professionally." If you are mistaken for FBI, Secret Service or a cop, this is good, as those groups get a lot of credibility from the public (deserved or not.) (Claiming to be one of these LEOs is a crime so watch out.)
Your facial expression, word choice, chin up "I am aware, awake and observing the surroundings." is critical to credibility.

When off duty, on your way to or from work still in your uniform stay sharp, untucking your shirt or wearing your "unique" ball cap puts all other guards in a bad light.

That big chain handing on your belt makes you look like an S&M person, not a modern tough guy.

No white socks! Wear only white t-shirts without logos or printing. Black t-shirts with black uniforms only. Black hard shoes or boots only.Bath every day. Shave everyday. Use deodorant. No heavy perfumes.

Overweight guards are not taken seriously, sorry, as most guards are there....I could afford to lose a few pounds myself!

to be continued...

Lobby Thoughts #13

Guard duty is like Groundhog Day (Bill Murray, 1993) with only minor variations, the you can change but not the story. Like Murray's character, I have been trying to get the day "right". One gets tired of hypnotizing chickens, so "self actualization" seems a reasonable goal. Not too easy when you have as many "issues" as I. Being human and all.

Relax dude, no one here but us human beings.

Being a sentinel is an honorable job, if one takes it with its incumbant responsibilities and doesn't work out one's issues on others. Heal thyself, you can't really change anyone else. You can however sometimes interfere with bad guy plans and actions. This may be witnessed by bosses and/or clients, you may get credit for it or not. Regardless, it helps in some small way to protect the innocent. Yeah, still an idealist after all these years.

What if everyone was allowed and did carry guns at all times? Would I be out of a job? Probably not, some one has to write the report of the shooting. Most folks can not well control their emotions and anger...but like driving a car, most have sufficient self interest to not want to ruin their lives by going to jail for murder and assault or to get shot by a witness/bystander.

Yes, ma'am; this dog is leashed. But leashed by himself. The company's leash is frayed and broken.

Scan analysis: This is the science/art of reading people's personal writings for clues to their motivations, identity and psychology. SA of this blog shows I am in fact psycho too but not a dangerous psycho...err... not too dangerous anyway...err...dangerous only to a small subsection of the citizenry.

Contract Security Clients

Clients come in all styles. Many either do not want to even think about security or they feel they must micromanage the activity based on a friend or relative once having been a cop or through what they learned from watching Law and Order for 10 years.

One client insisted they wanted a "Corporate Security Department" for their multi-tenanted office building. They hired an apparent expert  to "re-invent and turn around" the security department. It was all great until they discovered that they would have to fix existing door locks, security equipment, add some equipment and remove a few of their favorite guards. The endeavor was ended immediately. It seems one of the "to be terminated" guards was the building managers' intel source for building gossip. It also seemed that the money they were budgeting for the new executive break room and lounge might be used for security equipment. The horror!

Some clients are mandated to provide for security by their parent corporation located in another state. They make life a living hell for the security staff as they really didn't think they needed, wanted or wanted to pay for security personnel.

I love the clients who welcome us as part of their "team". That means we follow their orders. It does not mean we are included in anything else at the firm. No company picnic invitations, no team lunches. No team bonuses. No team t-shirts. Can't use the break room. No locker or storage area, except maybe their POV (car). We work for them, period.

I love the clients who require daily action reports and then NEVER read them. Sure, they are there for possible investigative use...but they forget to tell security that there is an investigation where such reports might be useful. Reports are just collected and then shredded each month. As a result guard reports are just either "1600 hrs-on duty, 2400 hrs off duty" or every hour the same entry." Routine patrol, no problems. all quiet."
Many guards simply write the entire report upon arrival at shift start or at their daily departure. One guard simply photocopied his generic report and put a new date on a copy each day. Nice.


Some clients use the guards as temps. Stuffing envelopes, washing exec cars, baby sitting (!), checking equipment meters or to get clothes from the dry cleaners.

Our parent companies have only one mandate: DO NOT LOSE THE CONTRACT. Just have the guards do whatever the client wants. Any guard providing suggestions about providing "real" security services is a Problem and should be, at minimum, counseled.

to be continued...

The Bank Job

Many years ago, I was assigned as an armed guard at a local bank. I showed up with spit shined shoes, pressed uniform and 2 guns (not knowing if they wanted me to carry a revolver or a semi-automatic. I was told upon arrival it was to be a revolver. So I put on the appropriate kydex holster, gun (S&W 586) and speed loaders. 10 minutes before opening, I walked into the lobby and the manager rushed up to me and said "You can't carry that!" I politely asked what the problem was.

He explained I had to carry their gun. He went into the vault and returned with a cracked and battered Sam Brown duty belt, pouch holster and ammo in belt loops. The ammo was corroded...quite a great growth of green verdigris. I started to take the gun out of the holster to examine it, determine if it was loaded, etc. Was the ammo in the gun equally green?
The manager stopped me and said "Oh, you can't do that!"
What?
"Take it out of its holster!"
Ok, I said.
I went to the restroom and examined it anyway. The cylinder was rusted shut. It could not be cocked. It was a real .38 M+P Smith and Wesson with round nose lead bullets but not a useable gun. I explained this to the manager.
He said. "This is the only gun you can carry. It cannot be removed from the bank. "
This gave me a clue as to what the industry had in store for me.
Security Theater. (See Bruce Schneier for definition: http://www.schneier.com/)

Over the next 3 days I surreptitiously cleaned, duty tuned, replace springs and lubed the gun, I left the grip back strap and right side plate rusty and replaced the old ammo with new. Nothing I could really do about the bore or chambers. (This gives you a clue about me.)
No one noticed. (This gives you another clue about them.)

This bank job had a stool upon which I sat. I have worked other banks where I had to stand all day in one or two places. (The phrase "toe the line" also refers to a naval punishment where one had to stand in place for long periods for minor infractions. http://www.history.navy.mil/trivia/trivia03.htm)

Lobby Thoughts #12

Rules to Keep Your Job: Place in your notebook and read daily
STFU Shut the frak up
MYOB  mind your own business
90% are idiots, relax
Remember you've got a job!
Smile (and follow through--holding smile for 2-3 seconds)
Someone is ALWAYS watching
Be pleasant
Nice>smart>tough
It's not personal
Don't correct People
No sniveling
Expect stupidity, perfidy, cupidity and condescension
Proactive courtesy, not just reactive courtesy
Yes, Sir!
People and things are the way they are.

Check with your bosses after your first month on the job and every 3-6 months after that. Ask if you are doing OK, if they have any concerns, recommendations or criticisms to share with you. Self defense begins with your bosses!

Old news article that caught my eye: [edited for brevity; is that legal?]
“Los Angeles CA. Aug 29 2008
A security officer at a Los Angeles bank was killed today after he was accosted by two suspects who took his gun and shot him with it, police said. The guard, who was not immediately identified, was approached by the suspects about 10:30 a.m. in the parking lot of the Bank of America branch ...Police were still searching the area for the suspects.
The victim, described as a middle-aged Latino man, was pronounced dead at a hospital while undergoing surgery...She said. The security guard “woke up thinking it’s another day of work, another day of life.”
Some regular bank customers said they did not know the security guard by name but described him as a friendly man who had worked there for the last several years.  “He was friendly and very courteous,” she said. “He would always open the door for us.” ...... “It’s strange, you see someone everyday and don’t ask for a name.”
Be careful out there, trust your gut and keep everyone in front of you about 5 feet away, if possible. Anyone can kill you.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. Heinlein

Just making a living folks.

Most security guards are the most insecure folks.

No leering!

Government cannot make us equal; it can only recognize, respect, and protect us as equal before the law.  Clarence Thomas, U.S. Supreme Court Justice

 We are the canaries: The sound of the shots that kill us will allow those in the building to panic and run around, asking what was that noise? 5% will escape by their own effort rather than luck. We are very useful. Remember, no one listens to canaries, only to their sudden silence.

Concerned for the safety of the young staff I ask if I can address them at the next staff meeting [STFU/MYOB] I'm told "Sure" in 2 months. 2 weeks before the meeting, I again ask if it is still ok to address he meeting to discuss staff safety and the manager says "Oh, I forgot, let me check". He comes back and says "Yes, if we have time." I prepare a 5 minute mini-presentation. Day of the meeting I asked when I was to deliver the 5 min. talk. I was told "The Director says we won't have time. sorry. I can put you in broom closet with mops with faces if you want, hahaha" I say OK, no sweat boss! I note the staff meeting ends 45 minutes earlier than scheduled. Hey, snake, it don't mean nothing.
30 days later one of the young staff girls is confronted by a nere-do-well as she exits the building from the staff exit at closing. She runs and is OK. She later complains that no one cares about security. Well, duh! I care but you gotta ask the bosses if I can be at that door at closing or for escorts.
[Many senior folks don't really want security because it reminds them and the employees and visitors that it is not utopia and the business might not be safe. Maintenance of illusions is first.]

Remember without the troublemakers you would not be needed and not have a job; appreciate them, carefully.

Any outstanding superior performance will be forgotten the next day. Any errors will be remembered for years.

People can poke fun at you. You must never poke fun at anyone, ever.

The bosses need to think that if you are a good guard, it is because of their management skill. If you are not thought well of, it is because of your personal problems.

Residential computer expert: :”No, you can’t access explorer” I use run/cmd window to open explorer, “oh my god, we are the only ones who know how to do that!”

Common courtesy is quite rare.

Junior clerk (wearing t-shirt saying “40% motherf***er”): cavalierly says—do not allow that guy back in the library; then walks off. Sure, boss, might I ask why? No! [Banning people requires executive committee hearings and investigations at this business]  I "forgot" to stop him next time he entered..

Observed: obese handicap children's' ‘helper/aid’ takes huge mouthfuls of cookie and throws bag away. One of her poor charges asks for a cookie. Aid says with mouth full of cookie: "no more cookies." Gee boss, can't I hit her?

That "mean mug" [dead aggressive facial expression] is in the real world a challenge to fight. It says ‘you are my enemy and I will attack you if I get a chance.’ It is not tough and self-confident, it is fear, it is potentially terminal. Do you do that to all strangers or only those who scare you? It does get me thinking about guns, knives and anatomy. Bwahahahaha

"Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naïve, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best." Heinlein

"The two highest achievements of the human mind are the twin concepts of "loyalty" and "duty." Whenever these twin concepts fall into disrepute — get out of there fast! You may possibly save yourself, but it is too late to save that society. It is doomed." Heinlein

"Do not confuse "duty" with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.
But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants "just a few minutes of your time, please — this won't take long." Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time — and squawk for more!
So learn to say No — and to be rude about it when necessary.
Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you.
(This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don't do it because it is "expected" of you.)" Heinlein