Lobby Dancing

I had one of those 'standard troublemaker' interactions in the lobby the other day. A young man went to talk to a "friend" of his in a looong line of people waiting for one of the vendor's services. He then stayed and placed his order at another clerk's station. He wasn't really a "friend" of the person he was speaking with, he was just a cheater. One of the folks on line said to me: "Do something, he cut into line! It is unfair!" ["Yes, ma'am, shall I shoot him or just chop off his head?"]
I approached the young man and said calmly "Don't cut in line."  Intending to leave it at that.

He went into escalated fear/aggression mode instantly. (Eyes wide, sweating, shaking) and said "Why you coming up on me like that!" [Wow, I was impressed. He had lost his mind in less than 2 seconds!] I calmly said, "I work here and you cut in line, please don't do that." He said Exactly the same thing he had just said "Why you coming up on me like that!" I said again calmly: "Just doing my job." He said again in a voice so high pitched I thought he might have a future in the Boys Choir. "Why you coming up on me like that!".

I recognized this would lead to his becoming violent and his justifying this violent reaction as "self-defense". "Hey, the guard started it, he attacked me!" Half the people on line would agree with him and half disagree. Knowing from past experience that my bosses would serve me up and go the easy path, "Hey, you shouldn't have said anything, it was Your fault he hit you!" ...I just turned and walked away.

Leaving many mystified faces behind me.

No sweat off my brow as they say. I lost nothing in it because I simply did not Really care that he cut in line. There will always be cheaters.

However this young man then made the classic mistake. He misinterpreted my de-escalation as my personal fear and later approached me away from the line in a relatively isolated part of the lobby. Bad idea. :)

He started to say something derogatory and I smiled at him and held his gaze, obviously calmly waiting. He froze and backed away looking at my hands clasped at my waist level. He seemed confused that I was not manifesting any fear. He mumbled something incomprehensible and left.

Unfortunately some people are Still ruled by their emotions at this point and a fight ensues...at which time I can better demonstrate that I needed to defend myself. "The guard just walked away but this guy then sought him out and attacked him." Try to control YOUR emotions everyone. I was not always so controlled, to my chagrin, and let such folks anger me.

Along these line may I recommend a most wonderful site that addresses this most clearly and can help one get Much better at conflict resolution. Conflict Communications.