Lobby Thoughts #24

Job Retention: Avoid getting replaced by the boss' unemployable alcoholic son-in-law by carefully providing added value beyond just standing there or walking around... 'cause that's all the boss thinks you do. At least be real nice and have the customers/employees tell the boss what a great guy/gal you are. This blog hopes to help you do so.

Control Your Facial Expressions! Sure you are appalled and disgusted, but never let them see it...even for a second. It will undo all your previous work. STFU alone is necessary but not sufficient.

Senior Bosses: Remember that some Senior Bosses have never been poor in their life. [They may tell you about the time they were poor and hungry---when their check from the trust fund was lost in the mail and they had to eat pizza on credit for a week in college. The Horror stays with them!]
Sometimes I'm reminded  of a New Yorker cartoon, IIRC, it shows a distinguished business man in a Bowler and Burberry, who says to a panhandler; "Inherit your own money!"
Note: Of course, I'm broke, so I think there may be some jealousy here.  Dude, You think??

Executives sometimes can not understand why or how you can do this job, so think you must be defective in some manner. [Well, I am, but that is a different story!]
This leads to their talking slowly and condescendingly, in words of few syllables and justifies, in their minds, embracing Theory X Management. (They however may be better at using commas than I. :)
If you speak to them in an erudite manner, it often scares them. Their whole world view is in danger of crumbling...therefore you are seen at best as an anomaly and quickly forgotten or worse a vague threat (perhaps a spy!) and must be dealt with...like fired or moved to the plant in Outer Mongolia, on graveyard shift, perimeter patrol, in the winter. (Only in the movies does your erudition and penetrating clarity of thought get you promoted to Division President.) Never make your boss feel dumb! (Granted, that may be difficult.)

I had a boss once who said in passing. "You are the only person whose reports make me use a dictionary."  Ooops, I quickly started using simpler words. [You wonder why I am still a guard? Ha!]

At the beginning of my career, another boss said "Wow, that's the only corporate report I have ever gotten with footnotes." Ooops! Never happened again.
Years later I learned to remember "No one wants to read your crap, make it shorter!" Now, you may wish I applied this principle to this blog!

Your frustration and impatience will do you in. Chill Out!

Is it rude to tell someone, politely, that they are being rude?

Boss, these Kids! Can I use duct tape?, they are trying to kill each other and I don't want to write the report if they succeed.

Parents: Do you dress your little tykes in camouflage clothing in the hopes they will run off, disappear and never be found?
[I mean, if they were valuable to you, wouldn't you dress them in neon colors, so you could find them if they ran off? But please no shoes that sing tunes from The Lion King at each step. such shoes exist and are evil!]

Sir, regarding that chip on your shoulder: Please learn enough English to tell the difference between an enquiry as to 'how can we help you today' versus us making death threats against you and your family. (If I could speak your language, I would...but I barely speak English myself!)