"Arf !" says Sandy

OMG. Lots has happened in the world since my last post. The politicians have destroyed America with the full cooperation of half the citizens.
However little has happened in my lobby. I got a small raise and have managed to avoid getting fired...so far. STFU, MYOB and GTM (see Post 1) has worked.

A few stories:
A woman got scared that someone was going to back into her car, as they backed up. she started screaming, cursing and leaning on her horn. The man stopped. The woman continued to scream and curse at him for scaring her. The man looked at her and ignored her. I then forgot the STFU/MYOB Rule. I said to the woman, "Ma'am, You are screaming and cursing him. Why do you think you will Not get shot by him or that he even speaks English." The man hears this and explodes out of his car and screams at me. "Why you say I no speak da English, I speak da English gooder than you. You racist motherfucka think you better than me. I tell you boss you racists bastara!" OK, then. Have. A. Nice. Day.

In the lobby I get, at least once a week, some customer come up to me to ask a question about the internal policies of  the vendor I happen to be standing near at that moment. Although I now know all the vendor's policies and can answer the question, I have been ordered to not answer and instead steer the questioner to the vendor. OK, not a bad idea...questioner gets the latest information and can yell at the correct organization's representative. I do love the folks who walk up, start to ask a question, finally notice I am a guard, and say "Oh, you just the fuc*ing Guard! Sh*t!" Yep, dat b me. Have. A. Nice. Day.

There was a disturbance in the lobby where a loudly whining man had a tantrum about his bill. I explained in a whisper to him with a smile that as much as I would love to hurt him, I was required to first ask him to act maturely. He quickly did so.

A woman walks into the lobby with what looks to be a full sized UZI with stock collapsed dangling from her hand. She looked lost. As I approached she was joined by a man holding a 5 year old boy. She handed the UZI to the boy. I got close enough to finally see that the muzzle had a 1" orange cap on it and was made entirely of plastic. Kewl, I don't have to shoot anyone.

A customer of one vendor comes in every 3 weeks or so. He tries each time to 'chat me up', despite me explaining I was not gay. It got annoying. So I explained it this way. "Sir, Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe you dream of love, sex and relationships." He gushingly says, smiling hugely Yes! he does. I then say "I dream of battle." He looked at me like I was nuts and dangerous and hasn't bothered me since. I may be nuts but I am dangerous to very few.

The lobby boss hears me tell a customer who is playing with their iPhone on line "Next customer, please". Customer then nods and proceeds to the nearest Help Desk window. The boss comes up to me and says not to do that. I say "Yes, Sir". He explains that using "next customer" was disrespectful. I said OK. He then turns to the next customer and says...wait for it..."Next customer, please". I say" OK, I understand."  (I understand you are an insane micromanager.)

I routinely pick up litter, dirty diapers and used Tampons from the lobby entrance area. I carry disposable gloves for such chores. Barbarians are all around us; they are inside the gate. Its the Dark Ages folks! But luckily we sheepdogs multitask!

As a guard, Everyone is your boss. I was approached by a local police chief (!) who asked me. "Did you see that guy lurking in the parking lot?" Sir, did you mean the guy with the clown shoes? "Yes." Sir he is one of our usual mentally ill customers, he is harmless. "OK, just checking to make sure you're paying attention." [Thank you sir; can I have another! I'm a private guard dude, you are not my chief. I make less than 1/2 the salary of your lowest paid officer, sans benefits too. Go check on them]

The Nine Rules of Policing have become arcane police knowledge. The police are changing. Katrina was the tip of the iceberg....and America is the Titanic.

BTW, I don't hate cops. I just do not think they walk on water. In my life I have found we are all only human...no group is exempt from having stupid and immoral members.

I'll  try to write a bit sooner this next time. I hate to disappoint my sole reader. :)