Imaginary Skills

Many guards and supervisors are Walter Mitty types. They are legends to themselves, perhaps to address their uneventful career "choice" and the lack of respect our profession garners.

I have had guards tell me they were SOCOM veterans and experts in martial arts and shooting, some being famous in their firm for these alleged skills. When questioned they revealed little knowledge of either discipline.
When asked if they'd like to spar they explain they they were injured in a match a few years ago and are unable to move properly and so must regretfully decline.
When we went to the pistol range they  were only able to occasionally hit the bulls eye...stating that they didn't have their correct gun...as it was 'in the shop.'

The fantasy life of these folks is their business but one finds it boring and annoying...as they often spend hours on duty regaling us with their martial expertise.

Get a life dude and please STFU.

Lobby Thoughts #27

John Galt has left the building.

Something happened at 9am? Are you going to let it ruin your whole day? It is not ruining anyone else's day.

Have a boss like this one? tiger memos

There is no job that bad management can't make worse.

People hate hypocrites--they are thieves.

Disagreeing with your boss is insubordinate.

JIT: Just in Time management only works if the manager is around or if they understand delegation...few do.

Everyone knows what their job owes them...few know what they owe the job.

Insecure bosses must criticize you at each meeting just to show that they are in charge.

"Have you ever turned around and seen the frowns on the jugglers and clowns after they've done their tricks for you?" Dylan.

Administrative assistants KNOW they are smarter than their boss and without them, their boss would fail. As a result admins feel superior to everyone in the company at and below their boss's rank. I have found that the executives' wives feel the same way but are worse because they really know Nothing about the firm and believe in Imperial Management; and act like the Red Queen.

You will be tested

You will be tested everyday.You will be interviewed. Every. Day.

Can you easily be distracted or misdirected?

Anyone in a position of ambiguous authority over the movement or actions of citizens will be tested by a small percentage of said citizens, daily.

I overheard a woman: say to her daughter; "Watch me use my feminine wiles to manipulate this guard."

The man who is a king in his world often thinks he is your king too.

Some folks want to discover your weaknesses. To use against you or your firm or just to feel superior or for their entertainment.

Through questions, choice of conversational topics actions or expressions they will try to determine who or what you are.What do you care about?

Politics, religion, straight, gay or less usual sex, sports, weapons, power, prejudiced, intelligence, beauty.

Are you shy/bashful?

Will you move if someone intentional bumps into you?

Are you too eager to please?

Are you paranoid?

Will loud noises distract you? Car engines, music, shouts, car alarms, loud conversations,

Are you lonely?

Are you disgruntled?

Are you paying attention?

What are your priorities?

Will you be intimidated by facial expressions?

Do smiles distract you? 


Can they sneak up on you?

Easily seduced?

Can they get close enough to hit you, touch you or invade your personal space?
Misdirected as they close the gap (combat distance)?
Got spare change?
Got directions?

Got the time?

Will petty parking violations distract you?

Are you predictable in your movements?

What distracts me? The Lady in Red. 


Professionalism demands we not be distracted. This requires self examination, self control and self discipline. [What you do on your own time is your own business, as long as no one is hurt...and it doesn't pour over into your duty time.]

We must not be distracted from our primary protective duties, even by our bosses...good luck with that!

See also   Hold your head up.

Lobby Adventures 1

A disgruntled customer made a scene in the lobby. One vendor does financial arrangements for car loans and this customer was complaining about being charged a late fee for being, apparently, 4 hours late in his payment.

In the course of his tirade, I was told,  he said something like, 'I should get a gun and come back and shoot you all.' This was not well received by the vendor's staff. [The parsing is important in threat analysis.]

I asked if I could call the cops and share his info with them. The boss says "No, cops and armed guards will scare the customers".
The boss says: "If he does come back, keep him out of the lobby."
I am unarmed and wear no bullet resistant vest. Knowing to be careful in disagreeing with the boss I say "No problem, boss."

Now very very very few people who make such threats carry them out, I am not too worried...none the less, this gives one a great example of the 'security' insight, priority and directions from our 'superiors'.

We in security prefer our lives not be wasted by naive bosses...but what can you do?

Police and Security: So Sad

The police have no respect for security. They do not trust security people.

For over 30 years the American Society of Industrial Security (ASIS) has hosted annual Law Enforcement Appreciation Day. There Security managers and Directors host Law Enforcement speakers. The attendance is usually exclusively security professionals with few if any Law Enforcement Officers (LEOs) in attendance, other than the speakers. LEOs are happy to have a free day with free food and a respectful audience. As they leave they can be heard supporting the idea of cooperation between the public and private sector.

Cooperation means that the private security sector aids the police. There is no reciprocity.

Each year the cops tell the security people that their people need more training. Some acknowledge that security spots and reports crime better than the average citizen.

As security pays $9.00-$14.00/hr and the security manager has no training budget because of management priorities, and everyone treats the guards like pariahs; they can't get people smart or motivated enough to train. The police have huge training budgets and the cops make $30.00-$50.00/hr. or more.  It is therefore easier to get good people.

Cooperation means that the private security sector aids the police. There is no "special" reciprocity...other than the cops will come when you call if they decide it warrants a response...just like to any citizen call.

Support means providing Law Enforcement with funds or equipment, tours of facilities, and the promises to call them if anything important happens, to provide evidence of crimes that the local DA will prosecute and will make them look good to their bosses. Otherwise -"go away little ones."

 The LEOs see the security folks as either wanna-bes or ex-cops who are bored after retirement. At best they hope to get hired at a good security manager job/salary after they retire.

The most a security manager can hope for is the phone number of the Chief who will then ask his subordinates to 'appear to take these guys seriously.'

Security managers may try to improve their team by requiring police training [832PC in California]  or a degree in Police Science but they can't pay well enough to attract these people. They can't even get guards with 8th grade reading comprehension. (1950s 8th grade reading comprehension; ie: today's college junior] So sad.

When a cop meets a competant security professional the first question they ask is: "Were you a cop?" If never a cop, no credibility is granted.

The police get Homeland Security intelligence...this is never passed to the security personnel...unless that security manager is a personal friend OR ex-cop.

Perhaps the police could train security guards? Never happen! The police feel, as the Thin Blue Line, that they are the only ones who can do security... and many citizens feel the same way. They already operate under an us vs. them mentality. They are the sheepdogs and everyone else are sheep. Training sheep to be sheepdogs is beyond their belief system. some guards are sometimes arrested for crime, on or off duty. (Search Google) Therefore many cops feel that they would be training criminals to use cop skills against cops! The Horror! Never happen, Bota. If a guard could do police level work how could the police justify their salary and benefits...especially retirement. Lastly it would affect their egos in a decidedly painful manner. Never happen, Packy!

This can not be fixed until all security guards are police academy (or equivalent) graduates...which will never happen.  The economics today prohibit it. So sad. [Besides smart companies don't want cops as guards where they may report every minor infraction of the law to their brothers in blue.]


To the Chief of Police, the concept of the Strategic Corporal  is unknown; they think their cops will handle every contingency or if their manpower is overwhelmed, then "tough beans, fella, you're on your own." Security Guards could be that missing link...but I dare dream too much.

To the Security Manager, relying solely on your contract guard firm to provide training while keeping costs unchanged is just stupidly naive. Selling the idea to management means at worst a new job search for you. So sad.

Journal of Physical Security

This too is worth study by security professionals. It can help guide one to realistic thinking about existing and proposed security measures. "There is more in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than dreamt of in your philosophy." - Hamlet

Journal Of Physical Security

Basic Security Truths

A truly outstanding document on security thinking that is the bain of the Smiling Guard is found in Roger G. Johnston's (of the Argonne National Laboratory) superb paper: Security Maxims...one group of concerns I have been talking about in this blog but much better written!

A sample:

"We Have Met the Enemy and He is Us Maxim:  The insider threat from careless or complacent
employees & contractors exceeds the threat from malicious insiders (though the latter is not negligible.)
    Comment:  This is partially, though not totally, due to the fact that careless or complacent insiders often
unintentionally help nefarious outsiders."

"Fair Thee Well Maxim:  Employers who talk a lot about treating employees fairly typically treat employees
neither fairly nor (more importantly) well, thus aggravating the insider threat and employee turnover (which
is also bad for security). "

"The Inmates are Happy Maxim:  Large organizations and senior managers will go to great lengths to
deny employee disgruntlement, see it as an insider threat, or do anything about it.
    Comment:  There are a wide range of well-established tools for mitigating disgruntlement.  Most are
quite inexpensive. "


"Troublemaker Maxim:  The probability that a security professional has been marginalized by his or her
organization is proportional to his/her skill, creativity, knowledge, competence, and eagerness to provide 
effective security. "

RTHT (Read The Whole Thing) it is long but worth it!: http://www.ne.anl.gov/capabilities/vat/pdfs/security_maxims.pdf

Retainer

Few things of really serious import happen in the daily life of a security guard. When things do happen we are expected to act and act well and correctly.

In addition to our deterrence value, one way I sometimes think of this job is that we are 'on a retainer' of sorts; an ancient profession. We 'hang around' doing routine duties until we are needed for an emergency or to make an intelligent decision for the boss or firm(s). These emergencies are relatively infrequent.

I think of our salary as an annual retainer or livery.


When something happens all we have been paid is to compensate us for that one decision or action that will make all the difference to our client(s).

Therefore your $20,000.00--$40,000.00 per year is for those times you act well for your bosses in a serious situation ...it may happen once or 30 times per year but that is also why we are paid.

If you think of it like that it may make each day a bit easier to endure.

["retainer: Servant of a lord who owed loyalty in return for a payment, rather than the holding of land. Retainers formed the personal retinue of medieval lords, originally in a primarily military capacity but later in administrative and judicial roles, and they became increasingly important throughout the middle ages. Retainers were often identified by a uniform (livery and maintenance) and formal agreements were sometimes drawn up stating the exact nature of the obligations of both lord and retainer (see indentured retainer)." Source: http://encyclopedia.farlex.com/retainer]

See also mercenary.

Escorts

No, not that kind of escort...  :)

For security guards, escorting employees to their car is done every day. I see it done very poorly all the time.  I see the guard walking and talking with the protectee like it was a date or a walk in the park. They are less effective at your protection than walking with your dog!

Here are some ideas for you to consider for routine employee escorts:

• Watch the whole area: near to far, left to right, 360 degrees and up and down!. 
• Watch for threats to the person you are protecting; do not watch the person you are escorting. They are usually not the threat!
  
• Have plans. If one or three people run towards you, if someone starts shooting, or taking photographs, if the protectee has a heart attack, faints, trips, or drops all their paperwork?
• Be alert and look alert!
  
• When you get to their car, bus or train station you must stay with them, within 2-3 steps, until they are safely in the vehicle. LOOK into their vehicle to ensure it is safe. Look around all sides of the vehicle until they enter.
• Assume there will be an attack or incident!
  
• Be polite but do not start a conversation or put your energy into conversations they start.
• If they dismiss you, it is based upon their amateur threat/risk analysis, embarassment or concern for your time. Carefully and diplomatically suggest you can stay until they are on their way or locked in their vehicle or there are many other 'innocents' standing by in the area.

Security Officers often are required/expected to escort money, people and materials from one point to another to ensure it is not lost, injured/damaged, stolen, adulterated, or suffers "shrinkage".

In executive protection or "bodyguarding", the escort protects the principle from being molested, kidnapped, hurt, threatened or killed.

Escorting valuables protects against loss via theft, sabotage, accident, contamination, substitution or destruction.

Bodyguard work requires specific training available from a few nationally recognized training centers. [Google it.] There are various Executive Protection "Bibles" available from Amazon.

Escorts are all about advanced planning. It is about being alert. It is much less about shooting or martial arts than you might imagine...although those are an important part of it.

Getting the protected items or persons to safety is your #1 concern...not primarily attacking or arresting the attackers.

Assume there are always more attackers than you see initially...get the protected person or items to safety first!

PLAN!

Unclear on the Job

Early one Saturday, a plumbing contractor's truck was broken into and his tools stolen. Loss about $3,000.00. In the investigation we were able to get some usable pictures from the video surveillance system. Two  juveniles used a rock to break the window to the truck and load up their car. However we also saw something most amazing in the same scene.

It seems a guard on patrol had passed the truck, within 15 feet of the thieves while the theft was occurring.

He had placed his hand up to the side of his face to act as a blinder and was intently staring in the opposite direction of the theft! ["I'm not here, you can't see me!"]

When questioned he denied being there until he saw himself on the video. Asked as to why he did nothing: no intervention, no call to police or dispatch, no report. He stated he "didn't want to get involved."

When asked what he thought he was supposed to do. He said "I don't get paid enough to stop them or risk getting hurt". When asked why he didn't call the police or dispatch from a safe location, he said he didn't think of that and was afraid he'd get in trouble and get fired for not stopping them.

When asked what he thought his job actually was. He said: "To walk around."

When asked if he had read the Post Orders he said "No". [The Post Orders stated that one was supposed to call Dispatch and the Police for felonies in progress.]

This guard was removed from site and reassigned by his guard company.


The supervisor was instructed to ensure all guards understood what we were paying them for. Specifically to test their knowledge of their Post Orders.

Are your guards unclear on their job? 

 Try scenario drill training. It is easy and worthwhile.

Guards: Worst to Best

There are only four security officers. Worst, Average, Good and Best:

The worst guards are those who avoid work, avoid any confrontations, they run the other way when anything happens, simply cannot be counted on. They are useless and all too common . They are a waste of air and salary. They have attitude problems. They revel in having people fear them. They are good at getting your firms sued.

The average guard is trying to make a living, they are poorly trained and have no interest in the field. It is just a job that they try to do well enough to avoid being fired. They are usually nice. They don't mean any harm but don't put much if any thought into their job.
They may also follow illegal orders without thought.  
They do not believe that anything will happen at their site but if it does they will roll with it and try to do an adequate job.
They may disappear or just stand there waiting for orders if the situation is too unusual.
They are worth what they are paid.

Good guards go significantly beyond the minimum requirements of their job.
They try to learn more about security and how to do their job better.
They are hated by the worst guards and tolerated as naive by average guards.  
They believe it is possible that something might happen to require them to take action and will think it through before they are called upon to act. But they will act!
They will try not to make the situation worse.
They pay attention.
They are worth more than they are paid.

The best guards are those who take their jobs seriously. (Not necessarily humourlessly)
They learn much more than the site client, their company or other security personnel require of them,  
They know something will happen during their shift and game it and its variations out in advance.
If it doesn't happen today, it could happen tomorrow and they are ready.
They make decisions that benefit the organization and their contract firm.
They respect people.
Understand that it takes more than law enforcement training to be their best and do a great job.
The best guard remembers it takes just 2 seconds for everything to change for the worst. He or she is ready for it, without stress or paranoia.
It is not about ego. Just quiet competence.
Regular guards and citizens find this guard to be a "good guard". The idea of "best guard" is incomprehensible to them.
You may find these people working executive protection for low profile millionaires, but you could find them anywhere.



Guards: Which type of guard are you?
Clients: What type are you willing to pay for as a client? Really?
Guard companies: Can you identify the good and best? Do you care?
Security Executives: Are you willing to invest the time, money and thought necessary to get the best?

How Not To Do Customer Service

We all know bad customer service when we see it.
We are all angered, disgusted and disappointed by bad customer service. I call bad customer service "Modern Service" but it could as well be called New York Service, Chicago Service or French Service.

To prevent bad customer service, institutions take various measures that almost always fail.

Customer Surveys:
Random call back customer surveys do not work like you think they do.
Customer surveys count the complaints customers have against your policies and procedures as well as surly customer service representatives. Staff members, who followed your instructions precisely, are counted as  rude if they do not grant the customer personal exemptions from your polices

Call for service yourself using a regular, if fictitious but well crafted "customer's" account information.  It may be a revelation to you. Try to act the part, do not use insider terms.

Scripts:
Companies "fix" bad customer service by instituting approved scripts for their customer service people. These are prepackaged answers to all complaints....like bed bug letters or requests for help with product problems. The cadence of the service reps speech makes these obvious. The script ensures you get a minimum level of service or 'hand-holding' but it also prevents creative thought or problem solving by the rep/ The reps must use the script and not go beyond it.

This call may be recorded...

The purpose is 3 fold. 1) Scare the rep into realizing that if they are too rude, arrogant or hang-up on the caller they may get busted. 2) Records you, the customer,  being abusive or attempting fraud against the firm, and 3) Provides new raw material for the development of new scripts for new complaints.
In reality, the recording are limited to use #2 based on complaints by the customer service rep.

Customer Service Managers:
Customer service level is contagious. One bad, apathetic, entitled manager and the entire enterprises' customer service devolves.

Customer Service Reps are instructed to never pass the callers complaint to their supervisor. Even electronic customer service messages do this. If the human rep does so, they will hear from their boss later and not in a good way. This is why electronic customer services exist and why you are made to wait because the supervisor is "very busy" or you may hear your rep call out to their peers: "Who wants to be boss today?" You will be told that action will be taken and given a few standard bromides...sounds like "Go away little boy, you bother me!"


Bad customer service comes from entitled, disgruntled, abused or lazy staff. They think:

• You can wait until I deign to notice you. 
• I have the right to finish my personal business before I help anybody.
• You are a distraction and a problem.
• The last 10 people I "served" were idiots, therefore you are an idiot.
• I don't want to be here, doing this...for you. 
• You cannot do anything about my lack of courtesy, my incompetence, apathy or the chip on my shoulder or my disdainful demeaning tone of voice. I can therefore talk to you any way I like, can ignore you, lie to you, treat you poorly. If you complain to my boss you will get our boilerplate "bed-bug letter" and besides my boss hates you too.
• I know what you want before you ask; oh, I guessed wrong?, I'll guess again, oh, I guessed wrong again?...then what the hell do you want? Why are you disrespecting me? You think you are better than me? Don't you?  Well f-you!
• I don't feel like serving you. Do you know how badly I'm paid? Well do ya, punk?
• I can lie to you because you are too stupid to know. If not stupid, which is improbable, you are certainly not smarter than me and besides you can't do anything about it anyway, so f-off.
• I enjoy making you squirm...you must have me serve you any way I choose. HAHAHA.

There are books going into this phenomena in detail.

Most guards deliver bad customer service in the same way. They get NO customer service training or scripts. The difference for guards is complaints are more often fatal to our career: except in Law Enforcement Lite (LEL) environments. Like real policed departments, there the complaints are ignored unless physical violence is involved. LEL has an "us vs. them" mindset and citizens are the enemy.

GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE starts with civility for the individual customer and patiently clarifying the problem, no matter how dumb that customer may be. This is what you get paid for! Earn your money. Man up!

Supervisors are never your friends

A fellow guard friend just called, really pleased with himself.


It seems a guard had left his post early by 35 minutes and as a result my friend was forced to cover the dangerous post alone.

The presumptuousness of this really angered my friend!

So he called his supervisor!
His supervisor got really angry too and immediately called the other guard to berate him for leaving his post. The supervisor of course told this guard that my friend had just called him and tattled on him.


The supervisor gave No thought to the fact that my friend is now on the other guard's enemy list and that guard WILL get revenge.

The guard then called my friend and asked why he ratted him out. My friend denies every doing so. [Like that will work.] This guard then calls my friend a "punk ass bitch, who will get what he deserves."

This again angers my friend, who then immediately calls the supervisor again to complain!

The supervisor tells my friend to "write it up" and put it in his open in-box in the guards' common break room and he would pick it up tomorrow. [No concern that the other guards will then read it and believe my friend is the supervisor's "bitch". That they will then ostracize and  work hard to get my friend fired.]

[This has happened to my friend this same way at 5 companies! He is going to run out of companies to work for in this area!]

Now my friend is feeling pleased that he was able to get this guard in trouble with the supervisor.
(Mommy, Billy looked mean at me!?)

He then tells me he thinks that it might not work well because the other guard is 1 )a personal friend of the company owner and 2) of his supervisor's supervisor and 3) that the supervisor he called is a new employee!  
[Gee, You think??]

Pick your battles! 35 minutes and being called a name by a fellow guard is not worth the repercussions!
Game it out before you open your mouth!

• The supervisors will not back you up. 
• If they appear to be backing you up, see above.
• They will throw you under the bus without thought or hesitation.
• They have their own plans that do not include any good for you. (See film Paths of Glory with Kirk Douglas: highly recommended)
• They will soon see you as trouble, not to be trusted and too thin skinned. You then again lose your job and complain about how unfair it is...Dude, LIFE IS NOT FAIR and NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU.
• Supervisors want NO problems.

My friend is one of the best guards around, you couldn't ask for a better patrol partner, alert, tactically competent and reliable, cares about innocents, is not afraid of any one but flies off the handle when he encounters 'regular guards' and their apathy and incompetence....and is naive about management....and can't STFU.

Please just count to 100, slowly. (Counting to 10 won't do it.) Stay frosty, chill out, be cool man.

He probably won't read this either. He knows he is a great guard but hasn't yet come to truly understand the appalling pettiness of most people in the rent-a-guard industry.

Your boss can not be trusted, is not a tool for vengeance and will throw you to the wolves to lighten his load even slightly. We are nothing to them.

Being superbly competent is NOT enough!

In this industry you can be righteously angry OR be employed! Please chill, my friend!

Lobby Thoughts #26

 Robert L. Oatman: 'The longer I work in Security, the less ego I have.'  [IIRC, Quote from an outstanding seminar I attended.]



There is an Versateller-ATM in the lobby. I sometimes stand within 10 feet of it, in full uniform. About 10% of the patrons using the machine take great pains to ensure I do not see them enter their PIN number and are very leary of me as they pocket their cash. Use some discretion folks. The lobby guard could take the money from the guards who fill the Versateller with cash and get a whole lot more. ..including 10 years in jail. It's your son, daughter husband or wife who will take your money, not me.

I have come to believe the most physically dangerous part of my job is parking lot patrol.
Please do not run over the guard. Thank you.
Nice try though!

After I locked the lobby the other night a man showed up 5 minutes too late. [We open and close based upon cell phone network time, otherwise the complaints are a major pain.] As I have no discretion in the matter, I could not let him in. To indicate this I smiled, shrugged, pointed at my watch and at the door "Hours of Operation" sign. He thrust up his gold Rolex at me through the door and emphatically tapped his watch. Yes, Nice watch; but you set the time wrong dude. Sorry. Bye bye.

I'm with Yeats, there is one Grand Intelligence that is the universe. Call it what you will.
However, you Ma'am are not the source of that Intelligence.

The #1 Thing (to avoid being fired as a guard)

The #1 thing to avoid being fired is to MAKE NO PROBLEMS for your bosses or clients!

What constitutes a "problem" will vary by boss, client and environment.

Usually they simply do not want to hear from you at all;  unless it is SERIOUS: like a big fire, dead body, shots fired (unless normal for your environment), shots you fire, rapes, or other serious felonies or you won't be in to work.

Don't forget we are playing pieces; square pegs for hopefully square holes. We are just bodies they can make a profit on...and not much of a profit at that.

They are busy with chronically late, loser and criminal guards, no calls-no shows, psycho clients or their own personal home or work problems.

Trying to intentionally impress them with your Dedication, attention to detail, superior skills, winning personality, superior security knowledge, etc. is a Problem!

"The nail that stands highest is the first to get hammered."

Even winning 'Officer of The Month' is a Problem; they must generate paperwork and may have to give you a small raise and are worried you will get a big head and be an ongoing problem for them.

Just do a good job. Be reliable.

STFU, blend-in, stealth life, GTM.

[Shut the F@#K Up, Get the Money.]

Lobby Thoughts #25

I do not believe in coincidence, but I do believe in Synchronicity.

On occasion I will be speaking with a client or visitor outside the lobby. We may be discussing the state of the nation, humanity or the weather. At least once a month some busybody will stop about 5-10 steps away, stare at us for 10 seconds and call out: "Why are you talking to that man! Leave him alone! You have no right to harass citizens! He didn't do anything!"
We slowly turn to stare. WTF?, Please take your meds.

Once I  was interviewing a suspicious man, seen carefully looking into parked cars. I surmised he was not trying to decide upon a new interior for his car.
While speaking with him, a citizen walked between us to say archly: "Why did you stop this man." I whispered "I thought he was the psychotic murderer the police were looking for." Funny thing, they left immediately. I wonder why.

Yes, all security guards must be watched carefully or we would be soon swinging our batons at random passersby.

I mentioned to one 'street corner talking' conversational partner the Einstein quote, IIRC-AIPD (If I Recall Correctly-And I Probably Don't), about the reporter who asked him how he could possibly talk to "regular people". Upon looking at the reporter for a second he is alleged to have said something like: 'I speak to the most intelligent about relativity and quantum mechanics, to the average person about education and government and to the slowest, about sports." The reporter silently nods knowingly, Einstein then says to the reporter: "How about them Mets?"
Now my supervisor drives up 1 minute later, says to me" Hello, how's it going?" I say; "Fine" and then he asks me "How about them Raiders?" He didn't understand why we appeared to be stifling laughter!


Some people look like they're about to have a heart attack when I walk up to them in uniform. Such folks, being fearful of Security Guards, sometimes it is necessary to start a conversation with "Hi, there is no problem and you are not in any trouble. I just wanted to mention...."

H.A.L.T.: I was speaking to someone today who told me about one way Narcotics Anonymous taught ex-druggies to deal with stress in life. To first self-check to see if they were feeling Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Triggers for recurrence of drug abuse. Helpful in not getting fired too, if we can see these things and keep from letting them help us say or do something we will regret.

Similarly there is a very powerful Thereavadin Buddhist meditation technique called Satipatthana or Mindfulness. This practice can lead to a thoughtful pause before one shoots oneself in the foot with bosses, fellow guards and clients.They say it can also lead to madness and paralysis!

Lobby Thoughts #24

Job Retention: Avoid getting replaced by the boss' unemployable alcoholic son-in-law by carefully providing added value beyond just standing there or walking around... 'cause that's all the boss thinks you do. At least be real nice and have the customers/employees tell the boss what a great guy/gal you are. This blog hopes to help you do so.

Control Your Facial Expressions! Sure you are appalled and disgusted, but never let them see it...even for a second. It will undo all your previous work. STFU alone is necessary but not sufficient.

Senior Bosses: Remember that some Senior Bosses have never been poor in their life. [They may tell you about the time they were poor and hungry---when their check from the trust fund was lost in the mail and they had to eat pizza on credit for a week in college. The Horror stays with them!]
Sometimes I'm reminded  of a New Yorker cartoon, IIRC, it shows a distinguished business man in a Bowler and Burberry, who says to a panhandler; "Inherit your own money!"
Note: Of course, I'm broke, so I think there may be some jealousy here.  Dude, You think??

Executives sometimes can not understand why or how you can do this job, so think you must be defective in some manner. [Well, I am, but that is a different story!]
This leads to their talking slowly and condescendingly, in words of few syllables and justifies, in their minds, embracing Theory X Management. (They however may be better at using commas than I. :)
If you speak to them in an erudite manner, it often scares them. Their whole world view is in danger of crumbling...therefore you are seen at best as an anomaly and quickly forgotten or worse a vague threat (perhaps a spy!) and must be dealt with...like fired or moved to the plant in Outer Mongolia, on graveyard shift, perimeter patrol, in the winter. (Only in the movies does your erudition and penetrating clarity of thought get you promoted to Division President.) Never make your boss feel dumb! (Granted, that may be difficult.)

I had a boss once who said in passing. "You are the only person whose reports make me use a dictionary."  Ooops, I quickly started using simpler words. [You wonder why I am still a guard? Ha!]

At the beginning of my career, another boss said "Wow, that's the only corporate report I have ever gotten with footnotes." Ooops! Never happened again.
Years later I learned to remember "No one wants to read your crap, make it shorter!" Now, you may wish I applied this principle to this blog!

Your frustration and impatience will do you in. Chill Out!

Is it rude to tell someone, politely, that they are being rude?

Boss, these Kids! Can I use duct tape?, they are trying to kill each other and I don't want to write the report if they succeed.

Parents: Do you dress your little tykes in camouflage clothing in the hopes they will run off, disappear and never be found?
[I mean, if they were valuable to you, wouldn't you dress them in neon colors, so you could find them if they ran off? But please no shoes that sing tunes from The Lion King at each step. such shoes exist and are evil!]

Sir, regarding that chip on your shoulder: Please learn enough English to tell the difference between an enquiry as to 'how can we help you today' versus us making death threats against you and your family. (If I could speak your language, I would...but I barely speak English myself!)

Medical Emergencies

Medical emergencies are the majority of guard dispatches in many public and private environments. As the population ages these calls will increase.

Guards at a minimum should have CPR and first aid training. These are certifications available from the American Red Cross.

Beyond this EMT training is very valuable and potentially  life saving. It has helped me save 5 lives.The confidence and patient interaction has helped calm panic situations.

I have used the EMT/Paramedic mnemonics many times to guide me through initial patient assessment in the first -golden- 60 seconds.
This has allowed me among other things, to ensure the right kind of ambulance was dispatched to the scene: BLS vs. ALS ambulances.

Some places will give you slightly more money in your hourly guard wage with an EMT certification, others don't care...you are just a pawn to them after all and EMT training might mean more potential liability to your guard and client firms.

My California EMT training was 5 months of about 12-15 hours a week plus ambulance ride-alongs and hospital ER experience, IIRC. I preferred being a guard however. YMMV.

You may decide you prefer being an EMT to being a Guard. You also generally work with smarter partners! but just as cynical and perhaps as psycho. (See alternate mnemonics) 
However, understand it is an equally thankless job and management is no better; it does garner more respect from the public and a few dollars more per hour, OTOH, there are alot fewer EMT jobs than guard jobs.

Saving lives is what we are about and medical emergencies gives us a chance to do it right and visibly.

Interviewing Victims and Witnesses

Random thoughts on Interviews and Witnesses, does the smiling Guard have any other way to write???  :)

Eyewitnesses suck.

I have interviewed many people in many years and finally learned that I had to carefully pull the incident from them. Left to their own I'd hear a chronology of their feelings, opinions, wishes, hopes, suppositions, guesses, motivations, psychological problems and fears! Little useful was gained by leaving them to tell it in their own words...except to get a very general idea of the nature of the problem, as they saw it; if they saw it, until I asked the right questions.


I am reminded of the scene from the comedy film Airplane II, The Sequel.

 "Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up 'till now.

Jacobs: Well, let's see: First the earth cooled. And, then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died, and they turned into oil. And, then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes..."

At a condo association I once worked, a woman breathlessly told me she had been kidnapped.
It seems her husband took her car keys!
Kidnapped, Ma'am.? "Yes, he prevented me from going shopping and I wanted to go! I'm being held here against my will!"  Ma'am, can I call you a taxi? ....... You're a taxi! (sorry dear sole reader)

Another person told me that their life had been threatened by another employee. What was the nature of the threat? He said if I didn't stop calling him a stupid idiot in front of everybody, he would get me fired!
Ahhhhhh, Ma'am that is not a threat to life. Your job is not your life. "Mine is!" she says.
'Ma'am, we have an EAP here and an HR department that might be able to help you. No crime was committed here, sorry.' HR later calls me and says that this employee's life has been threatened and why wasn't I doing anything about it!
I love HR folks, so thorough. BTW, the HR candy striper had immediately called the local police. What fun! shotguns, flashing lights, oh, my. Never mind, Officers.


Careful questioning requires open ended questions. Do not put your ideas in their head, they will gladly tell you what they think you want to hear; to keep you happy or to try to quickly get you to leave them alone!


The interviews needed to determine criminal or accidental events requires some knowledge of psychology, perception and communications. It requires the interviewer to: Question. Listen. Think. Question. Listen. Think. Question. Listen. Think....

Eye witness testimony is notoriously inaccurate. But unless you have the incident on video, it is all you  have to work with.

Most cases are made on circumstantial evidence. There are some folks who will NEVER think someone is a criminal unless it is on video! "I mean how can I be sure?" See duck test. [But things are not always the way they appear either.]

There are a few excellent training programs and techniques available. One idea I got from a seminar with the California State Police was simply having the witness/victim tell the story: Beginning to end, then end to beginning, then from the middle forward and then middle backward. Amazingly effective. It also identifies lies fairly well too.

The Narrowing Interview has proven invaluable in the preliminary stages of an investigation to reduce the pool of suspects. (I get no money, from these or any other sources, except from my job as a smiling guard...and not much money for that!)

All the books about the Detection of Deception are great reads...but don't use these techniques on your loved ones, you'll be sorry!

The Reid Technique and many equally valid others are available in the form of classes, books, tapes and videos. Learn as much as you can from varied sources. Not all are equally useful.

Media (news reporters) training covers interviewing fairly well.

Descriptions:
People rarely really closely look at others. Getting the perpetrators height, weight, hair color and style, clothing and distinguishing characteristics is not easy. Use comparisons: Was he taller or shorter than me, than you, than Joe over here. etc. Was his hair as long as mine? [Did he have an eye patch and a parrot on his shoulder?, Which eye?, which shoulder?] etc.

I have had this happen a few times in my career.
What race was the criminal?" silence. repeat question. uncomfortable silence. I asked, "Is there a problem with my question? "Well, yeah, I don't want to appear to be a racist." "Okayyyyy, where they white? No, Asian? No, .....

In one case I asked for a description of a man seen rifling purses in the legal department. I got. "It was a guy in a coat". [Great, we'll get right on that, should have him located in no time]You have to pull descriptions from folks...while the criminal is escaping.

Car descriptions must include the licence plate number, as well as make/model/year and distinguishing features (such as bumper sticker, body damage, decals, etc.)

Walk them through it, be patient! Despite their having watched 739 episodes of Law and Order, CSI, etc. they didn't learn anything.

Timing: folks will often say "It happened 5 minutes ago." In fact they first called their friend and discussed it, lots of emoting, then they talked to their office mates. someone suggested they call security. so they find a phone and do so. Actual elapsed time...15 minutes! [I have seen this confirmed when we checked the video tapes.] The criminal in the meantime is half way to the local bar/club/dealer.

TAKE NOTES! Include name, date, time, location, their contact information. Remember your notebook can be subpoenaed, so keep it professional! Keep your old notebooks for 7 years, then shred them.

Witnesses seem to speak English but their definitions are theirs, they may not be yours. "I was robbed" is common. Most do not know the difference between robbed (theft through force or fear) vs. burglary (entering a property for the purpose of committing any felony) vs. theft (unlawful taking) vs. conversion (preventing lawful use), do not assume you are speaking the same language. [Just look at Black's Law Dictionary sometime!]

Remember that detecting lies etc. is more complex than noticing they looked down and left...meaning they were making something up. It's not that easy!

Learning how to do professional investigative interviews and getting accurate detailed descriptions is crucial in doing a thorough job. Don't jump to conclusions. Be patient.
Interviews
Investigative Journalism
Cognitive Interview

CYA: Get Your Story Out There First

In the continuing desire to help you not get fired for your innocent actions...

Cover your butt!

In the course of our work, we sometimes find ourselves in ambiguous positions regarding the perception of a client or customer and what we actually did or intended to do.

On patrol, I saw a wierd driving incident. I called the dispatch center to report a suspicious vehicle and gave the plate number and make/model of the car.
10 minutes later I was called into the VPs office to explain why I was seen "waving my gun around" while sitting in my patrol car. I was mystified by the charge. I never touched my gun while on duty unless it was incidental to a serious arrest. It is technically a violation of 417 of the California Criminal Law: Brandishing a Firearm. This would get me fired then and there.

So I thought back in detail as to what might have led this to this report to my bosses. I remembered while parked in the patrol car, surveying the perimeter,that suspicious vehicle; a woman drove by slowly, almost stopped and then sped off while I was on my portable radio with the dispatch center. It dawned on me that she must have thought the radio was a gun! [Portable radios at this time were the size of a brick with a thin 9" antenna.]
I mention this to the VP who, as is usual with security guards, didn't believe me. I asked him to hold the radio up as the woman came into his office. He did so, reluctantly, and when she entered she freaked out, saying "that's' the gun!." When pointed out it was a radio, she said, "Well, I can't be expected to know what a real gun looks like." My boss had mentioned that I was on the radio at the time, as also documented in the Communications Log. All OK; close call.


Another time I was following a 5150 (mentally ill) woman who had vandalized a parked car. She ran into the library building. I found her by following the turned heads of library patrons. Knowing this was an X-call, I knew I had better be VERY careful. I radioed I was chasing a vandal-X. I interviewed her and determined that it was her own car(!) (vandalizing your own car is not a crime, BTW.)

After I left, I immediately went to see my boss. I explained all that occurred because I knew a complaint was imminent. Sure enough, she and 2 other woman who were not present called to complain that I was harassing this poor innocent woman! My boss determined their side of the story was at best incomplete or a lie, I had 10 people in sight when I interviewed the woman. I later showed my boss the damage to her car. This complaint was dismissed out of hand and I continued on patrol.

Another situation involved the same library. I was closing the building and a woman tried to enter to get a book she needed. I told her "No, sorry, we are closed." she became irate, a paper was due and she needed that book!. I called into dispatch on this as a disgruntled patron and that she was very angry.
Yes, she called 15 minutes later to say that I was very rude and had closed the library early! My call to dispatch at the time saved me...as it was logged as being 4 minutes after closing time and I was known for being quite exact when I closed any of the campus buildings. Saved again.

Crazy people will make complaints too, frequently!. One woman accused me of being abusive. I had called her friend Sir, (as in "Good Morning, Sir") which she said was a derogatory term!

My point is that in any ambiguous situation you must immediately contact your boss and supervisors as to the incident...before the complainer decides to make an official complaint. Even if they are nuts. You must understand they will not be objective, will spin it to their advantage and you will not be believed, if it is your word against theirs; unless you reported it first AND have a reputation for accurate reporting. You must report it accurately and honestly in a matter of fact way. Be very careful; what can go wrong will go wrong.