Lobby Thoughts #17

WARNING! This blog is not for the humor impaired. One mustn't take one's self too seriously. (Humor?: YMMV)

Nice old woman says to me today:" You are always so nice, mild and always smiling. I didn't think you would do anything if there was a problem. But I was there the other day when you handled that crazy man and I saw differently."
"Why thank you ma'am. I do have it in me. I just do not feel it necessary to try to intimidate the innocent."

Guy exiting says: "Is this what you do all day? Say hello and goodbye to the customers?" I say: "Yes, it is, but I suppose I could stand around and look tough!" He laughed.

Hey is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Well, Ms. West, I am happy to see you. and yes, its a Ruger LCP. It is small but I do know how to use it. [Sorry, couldn't resist.]

I scare folks regularly, albeit unintentionally. They think I am an advertising life size cardboard cutout figure, until I move a bit. (Yep, the eyes follow you like it was alive!) I am tempted to experiment. Perhaps I can make such a cutout, attach a spring-loaded arm that waves and an old froggie motion detection activated tape that says "Have a Beautiful Day!"

Sir/ Ma'am: I know you can handle yourself and don't need me to protect you. But I am actually here to protect your Mom, daughter or Significant Other when you are not here and they are. Further, I might be able to assist you, two being better than one. That might be occasionally useful, eh what?

Clients want guards with the skills of James Bond, Lara Croft or Jason Bourne for $11.00/hr. They get so disappointed when they get just people.

In the lobby you are in the spotlight at all times. The smallest motion or action seems to be of great interest to the customers. They watch carefully...the guard just reached into her pocket!!!! What is she doing!???! Oh, its a piece of candy. Look the guard is writing something down!!! Is it about me??? Does he know about that joint I smoked in 1996???? Maybe they finally found me!!!
Nope, just writing down my grocery shopping list, sorry. No drama here.

When actively losing my mind from boredom, I used to bark or growl...in what I thought was a subvocal range. (The sounds summarized my thoughts about a particular customer, in shorthand) I stopped after a customer asked me if I had just growled at him. (Opps!--Of course not, Sir! I was clearing my throat.)

Heh! I never said I was a poster child for Mental Health. Just adapting and overcoming, Master Chief!