Lobby Thoughts #7

This guard desk & seat was apparently especially designed to facilitate backstabbing, ambush, throat-slitting and blunt force trauma by exiting miscreants. [By extension of course, only really stupid guards would give anyone any cause to so ambush them by, for example, enforcing the rules. Pesky law of unintended consequences.]

Please panic, then blame the responders.

Just cause you are clean and well dressed, does not mean you are not mentally ill. Look at me!

Please at least Fake having legitimate business while here.

Zombies Welcome: Please do not eat my brain.

Hmmm, I need special information should I ask at the Security Desk or the Information Desk. They are next to each other. I’ll ask Security!

No; you may not use my cell phone, use our clients' phone, “borrow” a cigarette, borrow any money, date me or have your ego stroked; go away now please.

Guarding: $11.00 per hour.
Psychological counseling: $200.00 per hour
Listening to your problems and your discovery of Selexia/Zoloft/lithium: Priceless

Don’t be selfish: Share your diseases!

No, we are not really nice—we just play like that at work; we are in fact violent psychopaths and would most seriously hurt you if we had the option.
BwahHaHaHAHAHAHA!

The automatic exit door does not work with “The Clapper” or by jumping up and down on the rug in front of it or by waving your arms around wildly. The clue would be the huge “Hands Free-Automatic Door” button right there next to you. [Yes, it is "automatic" yes, one must use one's hand, butt, foot, shopping cart, cane or child's nose to push the button, similar to doors you push open with your hands or feet---but its got a button!.]

Yes, your kids mean more than anything else in the world; like respect for anyone else.

Protection?: Some but mostly catering to your vanity.

Yes, we are all secretly attracted to you and want you! We are just trying to control ourselves. Move along, Please.

“…my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives” by unknown

Just cause your uncle touched your ta ta doesn’t mean I want to, little girl. Move along.

Do you also think that someone who cheerfully takes away one basic liberty, “because it’s for your own good”, will hesitate for one second at taking away any and all other liberties? by unknown

We know that your convivial conversation is in fact designed to put us at our ease so that we may be inclined to ignore transgressions, make exceptions or to set us up for a more concerted use to our detriment. Oh, and have a nice day too!

Analytical thinking—try it free.

Sorry Ma’am, I cannot stop youths, passing on the street, from using foul language and “polluting the environment”.

Yep, all guards are the same as the one you met 10 years ago. Actually all guards are “mind clones” of the soldier who stabbed Christ in the side with the spear.

Security Desk: Look away quickly; so you don’t attract attention.

Lie to the guard. Everyone else does.